The Hooah Wife

Can't help myself...

2010-12-05T07:01:00.002-06:00

I have some thoughts I just have to get out there...

Recently, a friend posted a youtube video of Pastor Mark Driscoll and his feelings about the book The Shack, a fictional story about a man and his struggles to deal with a horrible event in his life.

I don't know if any of you have read the book or not, but my parents gave it to me one time when I visited them and I read most of it in one night. It was truly a good read. I loved the descriptions, the meaning behind them, and the story line. It was difficult to read at times, because there were some very hard scenes. I cried my eyes out several times. But it was beautifully written.

What bugged me about the video, and Mr. Driscoll's feelings about the book was this: He condemned it based on the authors descriptions of "God" and some of the statements about the Trinity. I almost wonder if he forgot that this book was a work of fiction, rather than a theological textbook. He even goes on to claim it is a work of heresy. Ok then Mr. Driscoll, let's get the pitchforks and torches and burning pole out of the storage unit. While you are at it, we should probably drag CS Lewis and Tolkien along too, and anyone else who has used fiction and descriptions to try and convey Christ and His Nature. (Please note the sarcasm.)

Honestly, I get so annoyed with people. SERIOUSLY. I get upset when rather than being a Church, a bride to Him, they want to sit fireside and argue and divide. It makes me so angry. I know I shouldn't get angry about it, but it frustrates me that people would rather fight, than love. It makes me angry that instead of showing people God's Love, they wish to throw daggers of judgement. Correct me if I am wrong, but didn't God say judge not lest you be judged? Didn't Paul chastise those who argued and divided from each other over petty arguments and opinions? Didn't Jesus seriously piss off those (The Pharisees and Sadducees) who personally judged others and held lofty opinions on HIS WORDS, the Scriptures?

I'll sit here and admit, this is one of the reasons I haven't been to "church" in some time now. Not that all churches are like this, because there are many, many churches that aren't. It is because I have a very difficult time sitting there and not saying something when judgement starts from someone. I'm pretty sure that some of my churchy friends think I have left my faith, but just the opposite is true. I've embraced it all the more. I do not believe that my lack of attendance reflects a loss of faith in God. Perhaps a loss of faith in people, but not in God. The Church is His people who love and serve Him, not a building with a cross on it.

We all judge, and we all have opinions, it is simply human nature. Perhaps though, we should learn to keep our judgments to ourselves, and refer them to The Judge, instead of spewing them at others, and possibly reflecting not God's will, but our own feelings?

I have friends who have been so badly hurt and disenchanted with Jesus/God/Christianity by other Christians who felt the need to judge, that I don't know if I will ever be able to show enough of God's Love and His forgiving character to show them that God is not like those who tried and failed to represent Him. It breaks my heart, and makes me angry. And you know, I need to work on my judgement of those who judged too. None of us are perfect, least of all me. I just hurt for those who have lost faith or refuse to have faith because of the poison that has been spewed on them by those who felt they were entitled to judge.

Wow. 4 Months!

2010-12-03T11:02:00.002-06:00

Hello Blogland!

I can hardly believe it has been 4 months! So much has happened. So much I want to fill everyone in on. I can't do it all tonight, but I am going to try to start up writing again, as I miss the outlet.

I'll give you the quick and dirty catch up, and go into more detail later as the mood hits me.

Hubby came home from Korea, after over a year of us not seeing him. It was so incredibly wonderful. I, being the emotional woman I am, rushed into his arms and just cried with gratefulness to have him back again. The feeling of his arms wrapped around me was divine! His smell, the sound of his voice not distorted by the phone, it was just incredible. There just aren't words that describe the feeling accurately, when your soldier comes home! My cheeks hurt from all the smiling. :)

We were blessed to have a family that his mother knows allow us to use their lake house for a few days of honeymooning and then with just our little family. I have a video of the kids being surprised by him. It makes me tear up just to think about it. I'll have to try and post it here later on. They didn't know he was going to be there, and their "great big present" I kept promising them surprised and thrilled them!

After our week at the lake house, we went around and visited family. I had already moved from Tennessee and was just ~~bumming~~ visiting with family until the big move to Germany. We had all of our things sent ahead so that we wouldn't have to wait two months for our household goods. So we relaxed and hung out and "bottled up" our time with friends and family.

Finally, the time came to leave. It was emotional. There were lots of tears. It was sad to leave all of our loved ones, but exciting to embark on a new adventure. The kids had never flown before, so this was a really big deal. They were scared at first, and still heartbroken over leaving family, but after a while they settled right in and enjoyed their little TV screens and "cool" airplane food. Mommy enjoyed a glass of wine. ;) It was crazy during our layover in DC, and I just wanted to relax. The kids and Daddy slept well on the trip...I didn't, but that is ok. I survived. :)

Then it was time to land. We left VA in 70+ weather. We arrived to 50-60 degree weather, and raining. I'm SO glad I packed the kid's jackets. Leaving the plane I got one of the nicest compliments in the world. An elderly lady stopped me as I was getting off the plane with the kids and told me she had never seen such well-behaved kids, and that she was so impressed. It totally made my day! Sure, they can be awful at times, but those moments when they DO listen, and do it publicly, I feel less like a failure and more like a victor.

So we left the warmth of the plane and stepped into cold, rainy Frankfort. Now there, you don't always walk along a walkway into the airport straight from the plane. Instead, we all PILED into a bus. Like sardines. I WISH I were joking. What made it more interesting is that the bus had an accordion middle, so that it could bend. Again, I'm not joking. Lucky me and my hubby were standing/sitting on top of luggage in the accordion part, so every time we turned we were either falling apart, or squishing together. Odd, I tell you. Then we showed our passports and went to get our luggage.

At the luggage area, we met some soldiers posted there to help incoming military members with navigating customs, etc. I was expecting a long customs line with suitcase digging and fidgety kids.

NOPE.

We followed the soldiers through a few green doors and entered the main area. I asked where customs were and one of the soldiers pointed at the green doors and said, "That was it ma'am." Apparently military doesn't have to deal with that kind of thing. AWESOME. We were then escorted to a private, guarded waiting area just for US military and their families. The kids could run around and it was so nice to not have to stress too much. I walked forever to find a place for food, since it was well past lunchtime, and found a McDonalds in the bowels of the airport. Their food is better... sorry America! More expensive, but way yummier!

Afterwards we lined up and got on our respective buses, and after a while of watching crazy autobahn traffic (I was pretty sure we were going to wreck a couple of times there), we all drifted off to sleep for the rest of the 2+ hour bus ride. When I woke up, I thought I was dreaming. Climbing up the side of a mountain, our bus was drifting through a fog wisping in and out of dark forests and beautiful pines scattered up the mountainside. I was breathless with wonder. It really was gorgeous.

When we got to our new destination, it was a bit crazy. We couldn't stay at the military hotel, they were full. So we ended up staying at a local German hotel. Oh, how different they are!! Not bad... just different. We all collapsed into bed and went to sleep. The time change was crazy, but luckily, we were all exhausted from the trip, so sleeping by the time it was nightfall was no problem. :)

More to come...

So....

2010-08-02T10:47:00.002-05:00

He is coming home TODAY!!!!!

I can't get over how excited I am right now.

:)

A baby story... Jewel

2010-05-26T06:41:00.003-05:00

I thought I'd share my children's birth stories, as I haven't done that yet. I'll start at the beginning, with my oldest daughter, Jewel.

When I first found out I was pregnant, I was ecstatic! I had been experiencing baby fever for a while at that point, after seeing the newborn baby of one of our friends. I had never thought babies were cute up until this point, but holding that cute little pink bundle, and watching my new husband hold her, melted my heart, and we both got baby fever pretty badly. So when that test showed positive results, I was so happy I cried!

I cleaned the house, put on a cute nightgown, and anxiously awaited my husbands return from his second shift job. He didn't get off until 10pm, so I lit candles and paced the floor. Waiting. Waiting some more. Checking the clock. Waiting. Finally 10:15 rolled around and I parked in front of the window, watching feverishly with butterflies rolling around inside, willing his car to drive up the driveway.

And waited some more.

11 o'clock came and went, and I started to get really, really worried. He wasn't answering his phone, and he had never been this late before without calling. My overactive imagination started to envision all kinds of calamities that could be keeping him. Eventually, and tearfully, I realized he must be dead in a ditch somewhere between here and his workplace. Shivering, I threw a coat over my nightgown and drove slowly toward his work, keeping an eye out for his car wrapped around a tree, or him lying in a ditch.

I arrived at his work, and there his car sat in the parking lot, with the only other car being his boss's. I felt a little better, but was still beside myself. Marching up to the door, I threw it open, not caring that I was in my nightgown covered only by my coat. There was a long corridor leading up to his office and I practically flew down it, tearing up as I saw him behind the glass. My emotions went crazy, and I burst into tears seeing him there! Upset, I drilled him on why he was so late, and befuddled, he explained that his boss was making him write incident reports over and over because the man had shown up drunk to work and didn't like the handwriting! I explained that I had worried he had gotten in a wreck and was dead on the side of the road, and then said, "...and I was so scared I'd have to raise this baby without its father!!" He started to try and soothe me, when the reality of my last words hit him.

Eyes widening, he stopped mid-sentence. His eyes filled with tears and he said, "You mean..." and nodding with fresh tears I watched his face go from shock to complete joy!! Needless to say, the rest of our night was GREAT!!! His boss, upon hearing what had just happened, let him go finally and we went home, thrilled at what was about to happen in our life.

To be continued...

Hello, my name is Tasha, and I am a people person...

2010-05-25T16:49:00.003-05:00

I was reading a story this afternoon, about a man with dwarfism, and his efforts and success in learning to fly. He always had a passion for flying, and wanted to pilot planes, but many thought he would never be able because of his "disability". He proved them wrong, and went on to begin a non-profit organization that gives plane rides to kids with disabilities... as a way to give back.

It got me thinking about something I believe to be true about people. That no-one is worthless. That each and every one of us has something big inside of us. I like trying to find the hidden nugget of gold inside every person I meet.

The potential for greatness lies within each person born, no matter what status they are born into, where they are born, or with what disabilities they are born with. The world is full of unrealized potential, unknown heroes, and untold stories. Sometimes it just takes believing in someone - even ourselves - to unlock these amazing stories and bring them to life!

I believe that no one is an accident. I believe that each and every life conceived is precious! No matter how hard life may get, it isn't pointless... not at all!!

Which actually makes me remember a short film I once watched. It brought me to tears!! It was incredibly beautiful, and the story behind the main character's actor is even more beautiful, because it is very real!!

So I hope you'll give yourself a little break, watch this short film, and be moved.

And for those who are wondering who the main character is, and to hear his story... here is a link to his website.

http://www.lifewithoutlimbs.org/

It all makes sense now!

2010-05-19T12:57:00.002-05:00

So....

After that long and emotionally charged list I made yesterday, I decided that I was tired of putting pressure on myself for the day...and quit.

I did nuttin'.

I sat on my derriere, watched 24 and relished the lack of stress as I shoved everything aside for an afternoon of sanity. Of course, I eventually had to get the kids from school. And when I get my kids from the bus stop and they are whining before they are even all the way in the car, I start to get a funny eye twitch. Well, not really, but if I had a twitchy eye it would twitch like mad. I had to cut my son off mid-whine with a not so subtle remark that if the whining continued Mommy might just go crazy.

After attempting to get a hold of myself, I called my Mom and proceeded to verbally vomit all of my stressful thoughts. She is a wonderfully patient woman! And halfway through the conversation a thought hit me. Still talking I ran over to the calendar. Hmmmm. I walked to the mirror. YUP, I see a zit or two forming.

*THE WEEK BEFORE.*

It snuck up on me again! Everything makes sense now! I'm not flipping out because my life is going crazy... I'm just flipping out because of HORMONES. For some odd reason, it calms me knowing this little fact. I now know that the sky is not falling, it is just my hormones making everything seem worse than it is.

It's funny how that knowledge helps so much...

A peek inside my brain.

2010-05-18T10:22:00.002-05:00

Ever wonder what runs through an Army wife's brain? Here is a taste of my thoughts...

Ugh, this house is a wreck and I REALLY need to get going on my cleaning/decluttering!
Should I call the landlord and let him know I'm moving out in June when I'm still awaiting orders so that I can call the movers to move me in June??
I wonder if I can keep my deposit?
AGH! June is in 2 WEEKS!!!
I need to get this paperwork DONE.
What should I take in unaccompanied baggage?
I should really find out what shots the kids will be required to have.
I hate selling out my principles.
But then again, I'm not selling out on principles, since they will be in a place that probably NEEDS vaccination.
The dog. I really need to get him chipped, clipped (sorry, no balls allowed in Germany!), and vaccinated again in a certain time period. And who the hell is going to write up his certificate in English AND German?
I really wish I lived near an Army Post... things would be much easier.
DAMMIT, I still have to get the Passports, both civilian and military.
I wish I had $50, 000 lying around. Then I could just junk most of our HHG and buy more there. That would make life easier!
CRAP, I really need to turn in my insurance paperwork... for an accident 10 MONTHS ago!!!
That reminds me, I need to call the dentist and see when my appointment is for putting on my crown.
I need to whiten my teeth before he gets home.
Happy sigh! Home in less than 80 days!!
I need to do sit ups.
And rub anti-cellulite cream all over my backside...
What does s.e.x feel like again?
I need to start the laundry, daydreaming be damned.
My shorts don't fit anymore. I should get new ones.
I want to hide in a hole and not come out until the movers are gone!!
Oh yeah, I hate the Army... why is it taking MONTHS to get these *insert many expletives* ORDERS!!!!
Ha, I wonder how many of my readers still think I am sane now!
No matter, I can pretend like the best of 'em! "Who me? Crazy? Nahhhh"
Is it too early in the day to have a glass of wine?
Eh, Probably.
And picking your daughter up from Pre-K while sloshed is probably going to complicate your life more too, Tasha. You wino, you.
So no wine.
Plus, I'll just get sleepy and I have work to do!
I bet I could continue this list all day.
Think Positive, Tasha, think positive.
I miss my hubby, I can hardly believe I've gone 9 1/2 months without seeing or touching him!
I really need to get to work!
....
But maybe I'll just hide and watch another episode of 24. His life sucks way more than mine...

Absent? Who me??

2010-05-16T18:47:00.002-05:00

Yeah, it was brought to my attention recently, that I haven't written in a while. Hah, you know, I KNEW I was forgetting something! In all reality, I've been distracted by life, and haven't had much noteworthy to write about.

I have to say, that I had started a post a while back. One on being a good military wife. But then events occurred that made me think that it would be bad timing to write such things. I won't go into it, but it just didn't feel right.

I was going to write on positivity, and about how necessary it is, and how important leaning on God is, etc. etc.... I probably still will, at some point.

Right now though, I can't really write about that stuff. Because to be honest, right now I am sad. I miss my Love. It has been 9 1/2 months since I saw him last.

When he last saw me, our house we've been living in was filled with boxes, and now we will have moved out before he gets back again. When he last saw me, I was on crutches with my mouth wired shut and my hand all stitched up, not able to really talk or walk. Now I can talk, walk, and everything! And I am sort of angry, because the Army managed to mess up him getting to come home for R&R. I don't complain about it much, but I hate that we will have gone an entire year without seeing one another. I hate that the kids will look older and bigger to him, because I know that it bothers him that he is missing this year.

And it makes me sad to know that I can't make that one better, but only try to point out the positives.

We only have 2 1/2 months to go. To most civilians, 2 1/2 months is an eternity to be away from your spouse, but to us military wives, it is a way of life, and not long in comparison to what we have already endured. I just hope I can continue to push through these next few months, and that FINALLY I can hold him in my arms again!

Because I miss him SO MUCH!

Procrastinating, again.

2010-04-16T08:35:00.003-05:00

I don't want to do the laundry right now. Nor do I want to attack the behemoth of paperwork that is taunting me from across the room.

So I shall do what I do best. Procrastinate. Ha. :)

Without further ado, I present my stream-of-consciousness/procrastination post for today.

Most of you know that I smoked, right? Well, I did.

Notice the past tense. :)

Yes, I did indeed quit smoking, and let me tell you, I will never ever make fun of anyone who says it is so hard. Because it is. Three weeks after quitting, I still want to, SO. BAD. But I decided that I should employ my legendary stubborn streak to help me out when I want to smoke. I hate being beat by something, so I made smoking my enemy that I refuse to let beat me. It truly is amazing how much better I can breath, and how much energy I have!!

On a related note, I have been having the freakiest dreams. Really vivid, detailed, and sometimes embarrassing dreams. How is this related to my quitting smoking? Well apparently the nicotine patch that I am using to help me quit, has the ability to make you dream a LOT. I have to take it off at night or I run the risk of having some really interesting dreams. Some of my dreams are great, some are sad/scary, and some are downright embarrassing! Sheesh.

This Easter we traveled to my parent's house in VA. It was a lovely visit, although busy with family visiting the entire time. I had a great time with my sister, who is temporarily living with her husband at my parents house while they find a new apartment. We are so alike, in so many ways, it is truly scary. We are often asked if we are twins.

Which reminds me of how she and I would always prank my hubby if she was visiting and he called the house. She'd answer the phone pretending to be me, and he would fall for it.

Every. Single. Time.

She could keep him going for quite a while... haha. We tried it on her hubby once, but he wasn't nearly as amused as my hubby. We even did it to my Mom that weekend, when she called from the store. My sis had me in stitches because as she pretended to be me, my mom finally caught on after 2-3 minutes and told her to stop it and put me on the phone. Giggling, my sister said ok, and then paused, and then pretended to be me AGAIN! I just lost it when it was obvious my mom had fallen for it a second time. I'm pretty sure I fell off my chair due to laughing so hard. When mom finally caught on the second time, and I finally got the phone from my sister, I was wiping tears from my eyes laughing as my mom made me answer a series of personal questions quickly to ascertain if I was truly Tasha. We truly sound that much alike. And to make matters more fun, my mom sounds just like us too. We sound like triplets when we talk. It's so much fun!

We aren't perfectly alike, but there is enough resemblance that sometimes if I straighten my hair or she curls hers, our hubby's have to do a double take to see which of us is which. haha. I love my sister with all my heart! Out of all the things I will miss when we move to Germany, I think I will most likely miss her the most. And she better wait to have a baby until I get back. I want to be there!

(Nikki and I)

Computerful. And a Blog AWARD!

2010-04-12T20:40:00.003-05:00

Computerful. My new word for the happy feeling one gets after the end of serious Internet withdrawals when one's computer goes ker-splunk on you. As in, "My life is Computerful again... beautifully with computer!"

Anyhoo, enough with me being corny and lovey-dovey about my machine.

My friend Michelle, whom I've never met in real life, but who I have "known" for a couple of years now online through various outlets has awarded me the HAPPY 101 Award!
Yippee! Thank you Michelle!!! :)

THE RULES:
1. Thank the person you received the award from (because she's an awesome & amazing lady).

2. Name 10 things that make you happy.

3. Pass it on and contact the lucky winners.

So, THANK YOU AGAIN Michelle!

Here are 10 things that make me happy.

1. Being with my husband. There is nothing that makes me happier than this...

2. Hearing my children laugh.

3. Watching my husband play with our children and enjoy his time with them. I get happy tears over this one...

4. A gorgeous day full of sunshine and breezes.

5. Spending time with people I love.

6. Riding a horse.

7.A glass of wine and a hot bath after a hard day.

8. Watching someone learn compassion.

9. Good hair days.

10. Knowing that I have a God who really gives a crap and whom I can talk to about anything...even when life gets difficult.

(Thinking about it, I could probably go on for a while, but I'll make that into another post... mmmk??)

My Lucky Winners!!

It is oh-so-hard to not list every blog I read. So I just picked the three happiest ones I read on a regular basis, since this is a "happy" award, after all...

1. Lindsay @ Learning to be a Wife

I love this girl's blog! She is so very sweet and has a great attitude!!

2. Whitney @ The Glamorous Wife of a Housewife

Haha, I actually posted a question on this lady's blog once, on why she didn't share more of the difficult side of things...or something to that affect, and she answered that difficult stuff does happen, but that she was focusing on the good, and that was what she wanted to write about. Or something like that, I have a slippery memory when it comes to details. Regardless, I was impressed at her ability to focus on the happy stuff.

3. Aimee @ Living, Loving, and Learning Simply

This blog touches my heart on a regular basis. Her words are simple, true, and to the point. It really is elegant how much her posts ring true in my heart and lift my spirits!

So, now I have passed it on! Thank you again, Michelle, for thinking of me! Now I'm off to let these ladies know I gave them an award!

:)

Wow. You mean I can post from my phone???

2010-04-10T19:25:00.000-05:00

Here's the deal. I haven't posted recently because my computer decided to flip out on me and crash.

I can honestly say that I am still in the throes of Internet withdrawal, more than a week later. I have my BlackBerry, which does ok for browsing, but my tiny key board annoys me during texting, much less blogging.

So I took a break.

Hopefully on Monday the lovely geeks I hired to do my dirty work will be finished with my naughty child of a computer. I love geeks. They totally rule! :) Especially when I say things like doo-dad and thingy and they catch on that I am attempting to communicate with them, bless their little techie hearts!

I have much to share with you all, my Internet bosom-buddies. From the assault by Murphy, of Murphy's law, to my recent victory over a bad habit, to the blog award an awesome friend of mine gave me! WOOT WOOT!

Yes, I just wooted myself. I need a little Woot, every now and then, thankyouverymuch.

And may I just say, that part of my sanity is held in place by that which is the Internet? I mean, seriously, how else could a girl stranded in the middle of no-where Tennessee be able to get off her 70,000 words a day, I ask you!?!? Huh? How!?

She can't. That's how.
So until my lovely geeks have me pick up my naughty computer and charge me their *insert high amount* fees, my kids are having to bear the brunt of my phonetical utterances.

Poor dears.

But at least they are getting a bigger (and luckily clean, for the time being) vocabulary!

Until next time...
Tasha

Retro Monday

2010-03-29T09:54:00.004-05:00

So I haven't really posted anything the past few days... sorry!

And since I don't have much to share other than my cleaning and boring stuff like that, I thought I'd share a little passion of mine with you...

I LOVE black and white movies, Laurel and Hardy comedy, Big Band Music, Swing Dancing, and 1920-1950s clothing. I totally love it all. I was most definitely born at the wrong end of the 20th century.

So, I watched two black and whites this week.

The first one was A Streetcar Named Desire. (Uh, Marlon Brando used to be cute?? Whodathunk? WOW.) What a depressing movie. I mean, it was really good, but I was expecting something different. And Marlon Brando had me wanting to smack him more than a few times. And not on the behind. He was a cute JERK.

The other black and white was The Amazing Adventure, starring my favorite actor of all time, Cary Grant. *Big dreamy sigh* I highly recommend it, and not just because it has such wonderful eye candy. It has a great moral and fun story line. I'd say it would be in my top ten of favorite B&Ws.

On to Music.

I'll just list a few of my favorite singers, and you can take it from there, if you are interested. Frank Sinatra (of course), The Andrew's Sisters, Bing Crosby, Bobby Darin, and of course, the more recent singers that have been reviving this type of music... Michael Buble and The Puppini Sisters. Love em all!! (Oh, and you should watch Beyond the Sea with Kevin Spacey. GREAT movie!!)

Finally, a little taste of retro clothing. I LOVE aprons!! Check out these cuties!!

The cute polka dot:

And this adorable floral number:

While those aprons are a bit pricey (as in, I can't talk myself into buying them) I still drool over them and hope to make something similar or find them on sale somewhere...

Anyhow, now I've shared my love for (almost) all things retro.

The most hilarious blog post... EVER.

2010-03-25T21:29:00.004-05:00

Don't believe me? Go read it. I laughed until I cried and then kept laughing for a good 10 minutes afterwards. In fact, I am still chuckling as we speak...

Enjoy!! :)

My opinion is just that....

2010-03-25T07:35:00.005-05:00

... An opinion.

I've sadly been watching friends of mine fight bitterly over the new healthcare bill that passed recently. I have friends on both sides of the fence, and I can see where both sides have points when they make their arguments intelligently and with a polite voice.

I happen to be on the "Do not like this bill" side of the fence. However, as much as I disagree with it, I don't feel it is right to insult others regarding their viewpoint. And I am speaking to BOTH sides here. BOTH. SIDES.

Oh, I'll joke and say, "Oh come on, REALLY?", but only in jest. I don't think it is right to insult those with differing opinions. It shows such immaturity, to be honest. So do I wish I could change some of my friend's opinions? A resounding, "YES!". However, I know that they are most likely just as passionate about their opinions as I am. Resorting to insults, belittling remarks, and flat out accusations is petty, counter-productive, and down-right stupid.

Unfortunately, this bill HAS passed. Unfortunately, because of the divisive nature of this bill, people are arguing and fighting and insulting one another.

But I have a crazy little idea. How about instead of fighting, insulting, and arguing, we STOP, and treat our friends that we love and respect, WITH love and respect!? How about we share our opinions as just that, OPINIONS!? (Gasp, you mean act like polite adults??!!) If they disagree after thoughtful and polite discourse, then we drop it. Most people arguing about this subject will only dig in deeper if we try to push our opinion on them. They get upset, we get upset, and the whole point becomes an angry division between friends.

Call me crazy, but I think that there are better ways to use our passionate feelings than to use them to drive away those we love and hold dear.

So everyone, please stop it. Stop fighting, stop insulting, and stop driving people away. I don't care what your opinion is, just stop fighting. I don't care if you think socialism is ok, and I don't care if you think anarchy is ok. Your viewpoint means nothing if the only thing you do with it is treat others badly when they disagree with you. We are very blessed to live in a country where we CAN have our opinions and speak of them freely. Let's not take that so far that we use that freedom to hurt others or to use our meager opinions to insult our fellow countrymen.

(A small note: The reason I feel this way is because I have been VERY guilty of doing this very thing. I have allowed myself to get so wrapped up in my opinions that I have allowed myself to get so low as to insult and get angry at others. And I'm sure I'm not immune to this little problem, but I'm trying my best to learn how to conduct myself with dignity in situations of passionate disagreement. It is far too easy to lash out in frustration, and looking back, I see how ridiculous and unconvincing it made me look.)

I did it. (I didn't lose it!)

2010-03-22T19:26:00.004-05:00

I've been more or less away from the computer the past few days (and when I say away, I mean I'm not sitting in front of it every 20 minutes). Why? Because I have a scarily long to-do list, a house that needs moving in a few months, and paperwork out the hiney to ~~start~~ finish.

(Quickie update: Jewel won third place for her class. Not bad. :)

But over the course of the weekend I managed to pound away at the self-imposed to-do list and have an almost clean house.

I have to tell you about Saturday though. Saturday I woke up feeling THIS WAS MY DAY!!!I would be a happy and productive person in all that I did. So after downing some coffee, I went off to make good on that feeling. I cleaned, I organized, and I worked for 4 hours straight. And after the little Miss Meadow went down for a nap, I felt fatigue sneak up on me and I went to sneak in a nap myself as the older ones watched a movie.

When will I ever learn?

I tried. I really did. I thought my accomplishments would lend to a peaceful feeling as I drifted off for 20 minutes or so. Haha. I forgot kids don't get along with each other any time I want to take a nap. Every five minutes (about the time I would begin to drift off again) I would be woken by an argument, a loud shriek as they played, or the movie being turned up so that I could hear every noise from it (on the whole other floor of the house) as if I were sitting 2 inches from the screen. This of course was so that they could hear it clearly as they yelled and shrieked and laughed and yelled again.

Finally, I fell asleep.

Two minutes later, the phone rang, my husband calling. The moment I touched the green telephone icon on my talk button, a scream erupted from downstairs. Followed by, "I think I BROKE IT (crying hysterically), GO GET MOM!"

"Hi Honey, can you hold on?" I ask hubby, and without waiting for an answer stumble downstairs to see Jewel cradling her foot in hysteria, Eben shrieking in alarm at her getting hurt and trying to tell me what happened, and me feeling my last bit of sanity was heading out the door upstairs without me. I juggled the call and the foot and the yelling children as best I could, grateful to see she hadn't broken it. She just bruised the heck out of it. I told Eben to grab some ice and I attempted to hear my husbands voice.

I think he was annoyed and he pretty much ended the conversation shortly thereafter. Which annoyed me, but I got that was exhausted from his day spent corralling grown-up kids and all the stuff he had to do.

So I went back downstairs to see how the icing was moving along and to dole out the hugs needed in order for them to recover from this catastrophe of the Ouchy Foot. I then found out that they were JUMPING off of the bed. (Which for one, makes me feel the bad mommy for trusting a 6 and 7 year old to quietly watch a movie for 20 minutes, and two, makes me really irritated that I can't trust them to do so.)

Then I noticed the MASSIVE mess they had created in said 20 minutes.

In the room I had just cleaned.

Let's just say it took every single ounce of self control that I have ever amassed in my life to not pitch a royal fit. I told them what for, no doubt, but I didn't scream. I didn't threaten to ground them for the rest of their earthly lives. I counted to ten (twice) and informed the kiddos that bedtime would arrive early tonight, even if it is a Saturday. I told them I loved them, and that the room MUST be returned to clean by the time I came back downstairs.

I think my silence managed to put the fear of God in them enough that when I returned... it WAS clean!

And then we all watched Sponge Bob for the rest of the evening.

The End.

We interrupt this program...

2010-03-18T09:13:00.009-05:00

So I've been working hard on getting everything under control.

This is big challenge for me, as I sometimes feel for every step forward, I am shoved back two. I surely can't give up though, if I am ever going to succeed at this whole getting-life-back-on-track thing. Unfortunately, I just realized it is Thursday. As in, THE DAY BEFORE THE SCIENCE FAIR.

Never again will I ever procrastinate on a school project with my kids. I swear this oath, NEVER AGAIN. I'm having to put the whole house on hold until this is done.

So, I'll be working on her project all day. I'm not doing it for her, but I can prep some things for her so that she can complete it. So far, nothing is on her display board, but we have been getting the different pieces together, and will complete it tonight! :)

She is doing her project on the phases of the moon. We built a model and everything, although I doubt we'll be able to set it up there, so we took pics of the whole process, and then she will explain the phases of the moon on the display board, and how we learned about them.

Here are a few pics of Jewel and her science fair project.

All of our materials

The Moon

The Earth

The Sun

And one of the phases of the Moon, can you guess which phase this positioning indicates?

I'm proud of my big girl! She is nervous about the Fair, wants to win desperately, and has worked very hard on this! (And yeah, I have too!)

That said, I have to run out to Walmart now and pick up the photos so that we can attach them to the display board...

Mean Mommy.

2010-03-16T20:20:00.003-05:00

It is hard to describe how I felt about today. I got a lot done. I am hitting my clutter hard, and trying to get this mess of a house under control.

While the kids are at school, I feel like I can handle it all. Then they come home, and as much as I'm excited to see them again, I know the inevitable fights will begin from the moment they walk in the door.

So after making the ridiculous attempt at pleading with them to behave and get along, I realized that, OH, I have to follow up on them, even if I am busting my butt to get things straightened up. I employed a lot of time outs after that realization. It makes me laugh at myself a little because when I finally followed through with them, their behavior straightened up almost immediately. Amazing what 50 minutes total in time outs can accomplish. Not to mention it was very quiet during those time outs.

However, as I was putting the kids to bed, they bucked. Constant getting up, whining, and then my daughter felt like bedtime was the perfect time to bring up she wanted to do more on her science fair project.

Ah yes, the science fair project. I'm beginning to severely dislike it. That is all I'll go into with my feelings on the subject.

So I tried to explain that if she had wanted to work more on it, she shouldn't have waited until bedtime, so, sorry, but go to bed.

Enter waterworks and worry about losing in the science fair.

After repeatedly trying to calm her down while staying firm, I kind of lost it. I yelled at her. Loudly. Then I tucked her in and left the room.

I felt AWFUL. I don't want to yell at my baby. I don't want to get so frustrated that I lose it like that. :( After sitting there fretting for 5 minutes, I went back downstairs, cuddled up with her, and apologized for yelling at her. The little dear was very forgiving.

I won't ever be perfect, I know. I will yell in the future, even though I try hard not to, but I suppose if I can apologize for those times I do slip up, then all won't be lost. At the very least she will learn that sometimes we screw up, but we can apologize and ask forgiveness. At least we can somewhat right a wrong.

Purpose.

2010-03-15T21:37:00.002-05:00

I don't know if anyone has noticed or not, but I have been thinking a bit more deeply about things these days.

Perhaps it is because I am PMSing.

Perhaps it is because I am surrounded by the mundane and stressful tasks that demand my attention each day, making me feel as if I MUST write about something other than laundry, dishes, papers, and other "Mommy Banes".

Perhaps it is because, sadly, I feel very secluded in my little cabin in the middle of Tennessee with no friends or even acquaintances to speak of. Oh, and my Hubby is on the other side of the world. (Serious Bummer.)

Perhaps it is because recently, I haven't spent any good amount of time with my Maker, seeking His wisdom and comfort.

All I know is, I've been thinking.

I have a lot of books. A WHOLE lot of books. I like to read, and find a lot of comfort reading stories about love, and fantasy worlds, and fiction. I get a kick out of reading novels that, for whatever reason, be it mystery, thriller, fantasy, sci-fi, or romance (I like the clean stuff, for the record), study who people are on the inside. I like how some books really delve into character flaws, and when the character approaches those flaws and looks him/herself in the mirror and sees a true reflection. Sometimes those characters are disgusted by the reflection, and other times they find a pleasant surprise. I LOVE that about certain books. It makes me think.

So I had a few minutes tonight, while waiting for my laundry to finish washing so that I could toss it in the dryer.

I looked on Facebook. Nothing going on.

I checked my email. Nope, nothin' but a few FreeCycle posts that didn't pertain to me.

I looked at my Reader. Yeah, nothing new.

I considered calling someone... ANYONE... to thwart the boredom and loneliness.

Feeling a bit frustrated, I thought, "There must be SOMETHING to kill this boredom!" Then I looked at the stack of books next to my glider, searching for anything I hadn't read a billion times. All of the sudden, one book stood out to me.

I had only gotten a part of the way through it once before, and then life had become crazy and I hadn't picked it up since. Curious, I pulled it out of the neat stack. (Yes, Hallelujah, there was a neat stack in my home!) Wow, I thought to myself, A book I haven't finished!

I'm sure you've heard of it, as it sold like crazy a few years ago. The title is A Purpose Driven Life.

My ever-wise Mom had sung its praises. Secular and religious alike found it very revealing. At least, that is what the New York Times seemed to say. So I thought, What the hell, why not? I'm bored. Seems like something that will be uplifting and encouraging.

As I read the first of 40 entries, I felt interested. It is supposed to take 40 days to read; one entry per day. Heck, I can so do that. In fact, my problem is not finishing the whole book in a single day! But I know that if I rush it, then it might not totally affect me, and I think I'd like to give it a chance. Not to mention, I think this would be perfect to help me connect a little more with God.

I view God as my Savior, my Creator, and my Best BUD. I can talk to Him about the things I would NEVER share with anyone. My deepest, darkest thoughts and questions. My secret hopes, desires, and dreams. I feel I can be honest with Him, frank with Him, and BLUNT with Him, since He really does know it all anyhow, and somehow manages to still love me.

And I MISS Him. I always do the whiney, HELP(!!!!), when life gets to be too much, and tend to let our relationship fall by the wayside when life is not as difficult. I feel guilty about becoming complacent, but it does happen. Perhaps this will be enough of a boost, enough of a tickle, to allow me to have something to talk to Him other than how many loads of laundry I did today.

So I will read this book. I will attempt to be consistent. I will try to learn, think, and talk about it with my Best Bud. Because A, I have no other book to read right now that I haven't read at least 3 times; B, I should really give more time for real thought than to escapism novel reading; and C, because I would like to have a basis to ground myself with, and to force myself to talk to God about.

Let the 40 days begin! :)

(Oh, and I promise I won't go on and on about it, I am merely stating my intentions. ;)

Lucky.

2010-03-15T09:43:00.003-05:00

I'm a lucky girl.

Some would say I shouldn't say lucky, but rather blessed. I believe I'm both. Not because my life has been a cakewalk, but that there are so many things I can be grateful for this day, and every day of my life.

I have a wonderful husband who is more understanding than I tend to let on. Last night I was down, and he listened as I cried and whined and told him how I felt at that moment. I felt better later, if only because I knew I could talk to him, and he would just listen, and not try to "fix" me. He means so much to me, and even though we have spent just as much time apart as we have together the past 9 years, we have grown strong together, across the miles and in the same home.

I have three healthy, smart children. Not to mention I'm pretty sure they are the most beautiful creatures God ever saw fit to grace the earth. Not that I am prejudiced in my opinion at all, you know... :) They love and they laugh and they fight and they thrive, even when life gives them less than fairy tales. How I wish I could give them a whole family day in and day out, but I know that with struggles, they can learn to adapt and become even stronger people when they grow up.

I have several wonderful friends. Friends who have stood by my side as other "friends" hurt me, friends who have cried on my shoulder and whose shoulders I have cried on. Friends who smile with me, keep in touch with me, and who I know would be there for me...no matter what. And vice versa.

I have breath in my lungs, a God who loves me and forgives me, food in my tummy, shoes on my feet, and a roof over my head.

I am very lucky...

Perspective renewed.

2010-03-14T10:40:00.002-05:00

I'm sitting here at my computer desk... dreading to face the mess that awaits my attention.

Sleeping in this morning, I let the kids get their own breakfast of cereal. It is an indulgence I allow for now. However, I woke up to cereal spilled, and water spilled. ALL. OVER. THE. FLOOR.

I walked into the bathroom to do that thing we all do first thing in the morning. I glanced at the laundry piled high in the basket there. As I washed my hands, I saw the toothbrushes left out and the streaks all over the mirror and in the sink.

I walked into the kitchen and made my coffee, sighing when I saw the dishes I failed to clean last night and the additional cereal on the floor.

I stepped outside to drink my coffee on the front porch, and noticed I had left quite a number of cups on the little table there. The trash can I have sitting there for various bits of trash is overflowing.

I came back into my bedroom to check my email and Reader and Facebook (hmmm, time stealers!!), and noticed a pile of laundry on the floor, paperwork that desperately needs my attention, a bed that isn't made, and a dog that smells to the high heavens who needs a bath. I put on my blinkers and sat down in front of my monitor, ignoring the junk that covered every square inch of desktop.

On top of all of these seemingly normal everyday messes, as I walked through our house, I was mentally ambushed by the ENDLESS JUNK everywhere.

I focused on the screen, as looking around was depressing. I opened my email, and found a forward sent by my dad, that talks about different families across the world, and how much they spend on food and eat each week. The last family is a family in Africa, who spends $5.31 a week on enough food for maybe a meal here in US for the same size family.

Ouch. We have so much when they have SO little! :(

Then as I went through my Reader I come across this lady's entry, Weary of Stuff. As I watched the short video that is embedded, I felt a jolt of realization. I have too much stuff, and it makes me miserable!! Those who have SO MUCH less probably have a better grip on life than I do.

I know I always talk about decluttering, and I do get rid of junk, but as I looked around my horribly messy house this morning, I felt like crying. I'm sick of all this stuff. I feel guilty for having all this stuff, because I know that at some point, I bought this junk, and I abuse it by not caring for it, and because I don't care for it, I should never have bought it. And perhaps if I have never bought this STUFF that I don't care for one bit, I would have been able to buy that family in Africa a couple of months worth of meals. Not to mention, I wouldn't be looking at junk and feeling dread at the thought of cleaning up stuff I don't even care about.

With the move to Germany coming up, I know that I will have to get rid of a lot of stuff. That or let the Army store all the worthless stuff so I can just get bombarded with it all when we come back in three years. Who wants that kind of stress?! "Not I!" said the weary housewife!

So as I go about this whole mess, picking up and cleaning and organizing, I think I will keep in mind this thought each time I go to put something away.

If I don't NEED this,

if I don't LOVE this,

if I feel GUILTY about purchasing this,

and if this item doesn't make me feel JOY,

Then I will get RID of this.

And when I finally have my home pared down, when I no longer harbor joy-stealing junk in my sacred abode, when I have completed this work, I will resolve to keep it that way. When I feel compelled to buy a useless item for our home, I will try to remember that I'd rather give that skinny family in Africa money for food, or shoes, or medical supplies, or clothing, or a milking goat, or a well so that their children don't drink water I wouldn't want to take a bath in.

Yes, a little perspective renewal will go a long way, I do believe!

The hills are alive with the sound of music.

2010-03-13T10:09:00.006-06:00

When I look back on my childhood, I have to say that one thing stands out to me more than anything else. While obsessed with horses, and other such common little girl things, nothing stands out as more moving than remembering the music.

Almost every night, after we had brushed our teeth, and Daddy and Mom had prayed for us, tucking us into bed, my Daddy would go and get his guitar. Then resting on the floor, just outside our rooms, he would begin to play. At times he would sing, but other times he would just play. As I would drift to sleep, I would hear the notes played with love, and I would know that all was well with the world. I forever have those memories in my mind, burned there for eternity.

I can honestly say, that for all my happy memories of when I was growing up, these mean the most to me. They instilled a passion for music in me that I can't shake. I'm no musician, although I did play piano for a number of years, the recorder (My Daddy taught me how), and later the guitar (He taught me how to play that as well). I always loved the way I could FEEL the music, deep in my soul, and not just hear it with my ears.

When we would have quiet nights at home, all gathered in the living room, my Daddy would play as we read, play as we talked, and play as we sang. He has a gift, whether he realizes it or not. He showed me how to love music, and for that I am so grateful. He inadvertently taught me how to listen for patterns in it, to be able to anticipate the next notes, and how to be pleasantly surprised when I was wrong. I love music that I can't always predict. The mystery is beautiful.

As I grew older and busier, the nights of music faded somewhat. My love (or rather, my time) for playing music was taken over by horses, falling in love, and then caring for my family. But my love for hearing it never ended...

Music is special to me. I can truly say I love all types of music, mostly because I see them as instruments that describe my feelings. When I am sad, music comforts me. When I am happy, music smiles with me. When I am angry, music reflects that anger, letting me get angry, and then taking the anger away when the last note fades. When I am calm, music soothes me all the more. It has meaning, and it has life. Like a living breathing movement of air, it can permeate even the most impenetrable of hearts.

Certain songs bring back memories. Some good, and some bad. Certain instruments, when heard, never fail to remind me of a certain feeling or aspect of my personality. As if the whole of my person could be an orchestra, each instrument a different piece of who I am, all playing together to create the individual that is me.

Something I also view with wonder, is that at its core, music reflects humanity so strongly. Humanity's triumphs, its failures, its longings, and its disappointments. Nothing can quite capture the emotions of humanity in the way that music can. And actually, nothing can quite capture the image of God in my head as music does. It is like an ever changing ribbon of emotion that drifts on a sweeping updraft, revealing all truths so completely, and yet holding such mystery that we are never quite quenched in our wonder.

For these reasons, I love music. Thank you, Daddy, for gifting this love to me. I'm grateful for so many things about you, but this has to be one of my favorite things about you. I love you.

Personal Philosophy, Part Two

2010-03-11T09:54:00.002-06:00

Now that one has a little grasp on what my thoughts on God and Religion are, I'll go into the whole raising kids thing.

I don't think anything can prepare one for raising kids. It is scary, exciting, dreadful, and wonderful. Don't kick me for saying dreadful. I am filled with dread at times. Dread for the inevitable arguments, heartbreak, and struggles.

I love my kids, more than anyone can imagine. When I look at them, and try to find my place in their lives, I wonder which path, along every turn, I should take. I want to raise them to be good people, to know God in a way that is personal, rather than forced. To be strong, compassionate, loving, and understanding people. I want to show them the wonder of life, and when life is less than wonderful, how to go through it with grace and strength. I know I'm only 27 (ancient, it seems at times), but I've experienced enough hardships along the way that I want to prepare them not only for the good things in life, but also the bad.

Character, or lack thereof, is a biggie for me. Responsibility, truthfulness, grace, compassion, respect, and love are things that I can attempt to foster in my kids. I struggle, to know just how much I should let things slide, just how long I should wait to teach certain lessons, and to know when to discipline (and how).

I was raised in a good home. My parents were loving, wise people. They sheltered me quite a bit, although I can't say if that is a good thing or not. I must say I had a bit of a hard time adjusting to adult life because of my sheltered upbringing. Not in a devastating way, but in small things. Not to mention I was homeschooled. Which by the way, I think is the best way to educate one's child, if you can handle it. (I can't, I have limited patience and I sing the praises of any mother that can do it, as I can't right now.)

I was raised in a spanking home, and I wasn't traumatized by it. I was always disciplined in a way that was correct. I knew I had done wrong, and I knew I deserved it, regardless of what the "experts" say. I knew I was loved. I knew My parents weren't punishing me because they disliked me or were angry. It was the way spanking should be done, explained, administered, and with love afterwards. Lots of hugs and me sniffling "I'm sorry" and then more hugs. My mom always said it hurt her more than it did me, and while I grudgingly disagreed on more than one occasion, I'd have to say that I now believe her.

Being sheltered for the most part, I got into trouble later when I had more freedom. Not one to cower from danger or strife (I was a contrary little thing), I had a nice little streak of rebellion that my parents worked hard to squelch. And they did, which infuriated me, but also kept me out of trouble until my heart became softer and more reasonable.

When I look at how I was raised, there are few things that I would change when I consider how I am to raise my kids. I know I might be wrong in some of my assumptions, but I am going to follow what I feel will be best for my kids.

I refuse to treat them as babies, for the most part. I use sarcasm on occasion. I joke with them. I don't talk to them like they are idiots. I respect them enough to talk to them as I would an adult I respect (toned down, for the most part, so that they can understand me). I use big words and they pick up on them. Baby-talk doesn't happen here...

I hardly ever use spankings anymore, partly out of fear of someone thinking I'm a threat to my kids and running to the CPS (who, by the way, should really concentrate on the truly abused, in my opinion). The other reason I hardly ever spank is that each child is unique in what works for them. My oldest is far more contrite when I take something away that means a lot to her. This could be outings, a possession she can do without for a day or so, or something else I can use for leverage. Time outs I use for each child as well, since sometimes they really need to sit for a good long while and consider how much play they are missing, and why their little crime was bad. My son, he has a bit of a temper. I use the same thing with him as with the oldest, taking away things, or privileges, and time outs. He needs the cool off time, as it takes him far longer to get a grip. Meadow, I'm still at a loss with. The girl doesn't seem highly affected by any punishment I try to use. I keep trying, but I sometimes feel so lost.

I expect manners and respect. They earn my respect and praise when they employ them... as well as any onlookers praise. They are not angels, but they get quite a few compliments from time to time. It makes me swell with pride.

I attempt to employ reason at times, but lets be honest, a pissed off 6 year old is not going to be reasonable. I am more than willing to explain situations to them, but at times, they just need to listen, I don't always have time to argue the ins and outs of why a particular action is unwise.

I try to shower them with love, not things. Things are fleeting and interest in them is fleeting as well, but hugs and kisses and I love you's throughout the day build up their hearts.

I try to teach compassion, showing them the lesser tragedies of the world. I don't shelter them from all pain. It is important to know pain at times, without it, you never truly know happiness and gratefulness for the good times. When my daughter comes home crying that no one likes her, I ask her who she plays with often. She lists names and then realizes she isn't alone and un-liked. I point out that at times people are mean, yes, but that doesn't mean the world is ending, you just ignore them and be careful never to make someone else feel that way, yourself. I hold her while she cries, and as we talk, she begins to feel better.

As they grow, I wonder how much I should shelter them. My goal here isn't to create the most pleasant, happy experience a child could ever have. That is just impossible. My goal is to slowly guide them into adulthood, so that when they leave my proverbial nest, they will not be lost. They will not wonder why they are fired if they don't do their job. They will not wonder why all is not handed to them on a silver platter. They will not be lost when they have their own home, their own finances, and when relationships get rocky. They will not be scared of the world, or expect the world to serve them. And they will realize that actions have consequences.

As they grow, I want to teach them to be self-sufficient. They will not wonder how to cook or clean or do laundry. They will have done it for years by that time. They will not expect me to pay for their bills (I mean REALLY?? Why are adults stooping to the level of letting ol' mom and dad cover their bills?? How obscenely ridiculous!). They will not be waiting for the keys to their first car on their 16th birthday, because if they want a car, they will be earning it. They will not have mommy writing their papers for them either. Nuh uh. If they want something, they will learn to earn it. Should they feel the need to drop their pants in pursuit of fun, they will have already been told that that road leads to disaster. Pregnancy, disease, and broken hearts follow that little path. And though I love them, I will not raise a child for them. If they want to be a grown up like that, then they will have to shoulder that responsibility. Not alone, I'll be there, but I won't be second mommy.

While the all above may seem harsh for a mom to say, I believe that it is SO important to allow children (as they get older) to learn that the world is harsh. It is. I learned that the hard way. I'd rather they learned it before they stumble into the world. My hope for them is that by the time they are ready to leave home (and no, not at age 30 either) they will stride out into it confident they can make it.

Teaching them about God will be another story. I don't feel it wrong to teach them about my faith. I will not force it upon them, but I will make my argument. But more than that, I want to SHOW them how God is there. I can't create the feelings for God in them. That is God's job. I will teach them what I know, things that are right and wrong, and how they will find other people don't agree with me. How no matter what we know to be right or wrong, compassion and love to all is what I expect of them. Once the spark of love is seeded in their heart, I can fan the flame a little, but I can't force it to grow. They are responsible for that. And the whole time, I will pray. And answer questions to the best of my ability. And hear their doubts, concerns, and feelings.

I'm a little unorthodox, I suppose. Some may say that certain parts of my parenting are flawed. I don't intend to dump everything on them at once, quite the contrary. I want to ever so slowly teach them. New lessons as they pass certain marks in their journey to adulthood. I'm relishing the now, the time I have them as children, but as much as I'd like them to remain my little babies forever, that is not my job. My job is to raise them, to show them the world, to answer their questions, to guide them along, to help them develop into the people they will one day be.

And hopefully, as I do this, I can still help them hold on to the spark of wonder that children have. To eternally have a sense of delight in the small wonderful things, even as they gain the insight and responsibility of growing up into adults. I'm grateful that my parents gave that sense of wonder to me. I'm grateful too that they allowed me to grow up (for the most part). I'm grateful that they didn't make life too easy for me, so that I didn't end up completely unprepared. While there are things I wish I had learned before I grew up, I am grateful.

My biggest reward, the thing that will make me the happiest, is if one day, all of my grown children will be responsible and happy. They don't have to become a concert pianist, a doctor, or a lawyer. They don't have to be rich or married or have lots of grandbabies for me. I just want them to be ready, happy, full of life and compassion, and full of love and joy. That they will be able to weather the storms of life without despair. That I will have been able to raise them to deal with life and enjoy life, no matter which way the pendulum of life swings.

And that is how I will raise my children.

Personal Philosophy, Part One

2010-03-07T12:22:00.002-06:00

For some reason, I have this urge to tell about two separate personal philosophies that I hold in my heart. These are my feelings on Religion and God, and Raising my Children.

In order to explain the second fully, I feel I must first explain the first. I feel I'm not a typical mom or person. I'm weird, ok? At least that is how I view myself, and yes, I am perfectly happy in my wierdness.

When I think about God and religion, I realize that I have changed so much in the past 10 or so years. I have always loved God, but my understanding of Him and being a Christian was stunted, partly because I had not yet experienced Him in the way that changes even ordinary life. I'm sure that I will learn even more about him throughout the course of my life. I will learn more about His personality, His heart, and His will for me as I go through life.

Curiously, the things that have changed my heart most toward Him have been the challenges I have faced, and even more than that, listening to those who did NOT love God, or believe in Him, or those who followed another religion. I have also been very disappointed with a number of Christians, as I saw that Religion, under the guise of beleiving and following God, caused them to act totally opposite of Christ. Like the Pharisees and Saducees of old, they clung more to the law of God than to the Heart of God. The heart of Christ. And sadly to say, myself included.

Before my thought process changed, or rather my heart changed, I shunned friends who weren't "Christians". I looked down on them, or I would attempt to convert them. I learned that was a very fast way to making me and my God look bad, very bad indeed. I learned that in order to show God's heart in me, I had to love them, no matter what they thought. I learned that taking a moment to LISTEN to their thoughts opened up a whole other dimension to our friendships. I would even not mention my beliefs for a time, so they could see who I was before I cloaked myself in my beliefs. I didn't pretend to be perfect. And when the time came, I would tell them of my Love for God. I never forced them to see my way. If God is truly powerful (which I believe He is) then hopefully Christ's Love would flow through me and show itself to them. I don't need to "convert" people. All I need to do is spread forth His Love. He can take it from there, either through me when I feel led to explain WHY I show this love, or through someone else down the road, who can explain it better. They are not my "projects" they are people I love and want to show God's love to.

I mean, I have friends who are Buddhists, Mormons, Atheists, Agnostics, Wiccan, Viking (Yes, their god is Thor...), and then those who have their own religion. And they all know where I stand. They all respect me for not shoving my belief down their throats. And they have all thought it interesting that I just want to show them Jesus' love instead of telling them they are going to hell.

As a kid I always worried I wouldn't have "saved" enough people to make God happy. Except, my job isn't to save them. My job is to show them love. REAL love. Not fake and fleeting love.

Oh, I screw up a lot. I have held grudges, hated, and gossiped before. But when I find myself doing that, I make it a point to apologize to my friends, even the ones who were gossiping, grudging, or hating with me. I say I'm not perfect, but I want to try to be better.

Basically, my take on my religion is not a RELIGIOUS one. I haven't gone to church in a while, as I have a hard time finding one that truly embraces the same thought. That our greatest commandment is to Love God with all of your heart, and to love your neighbor as yourself. That instead of nit-picking over religious philosophy, what denomination is right, whether we should shun gays or love them, whether it is a sin to smoke or drink or dance or wear pants. I find that we, as Christians, are again putting too much emphasis on the silly religious law matters, and not enough emphasis on living as Christ did. Welcoming our tax-collectors, whores, and poor into our hearts and loving them regardless of what they have done in the past. LOVING our enemies. LOVING our God. Not being ashamed of Him. FEEDING the poor, HELPING the widows and orphans. Not spending a bunch of money on some spiffy clothes for our Sunday church service so that those who sit next to us will admire our togetherness. Not avoiding the crazy old bum who wanders into the service. Not shunning a woman who's husband left her, just because divorce is unsavory. Not singing during worship to have those around you admire your voice, instead of singing in your heart in love and gratitude toward God.

I'd not mind a bit if Religion DIED and in its place rose hearts that love God and their fellow man more than anything else, including themselves. What a world we would have then... and how happy I bet it would make God...

Industrious.

2010-03-04T12:02:00.003-06:00

I'm happy to report that I have actually accomplished things in the past few days.

Imagine that.

While the kids managed to get a full 8 hours of school (between 2 days) in this week, due to the heavy snow, I started the ball rolling with getting the house picked up and happily it has stayed that way the entire week. Laundry, dishes, and clutter are no longer scary monsters, for I have almost defeated them. YAY!

I made bread, something I have been planning for, oh, two weeks or so. I made a HUGE pot of chicken soup to cover meals when I don't want to stop and cook for an hour or more. The kids aren't wild about that, but I sat them down and told them that normal people require veggies and healthy stuff instead of Hamburger Helper every night. Much to their dismay.

Since we have been barricaded inside for the past few days, I've been alternately working and reading Paolini novels. At night, I allow the kids to watch a movie in my room while I sip a glass of wine and read a few chapters of deliciously descriptive fantasy involving dragons, elves, and other fun stuff. Fiction is bliss, I tell you! I've run out of wine, however. Booo. I guess I'll pick up a bottle for the weekend if I can get down my driveway in one piece. Then, Friday night, I'll will celebrate my success in finally getting my house looking decent by watching an Audrey Hepburn movie whilst sipping a lovely red. *Happy sigh*

OH! And I nearly forgot!! My delightfully handsome and wonderful hubby passed his board yesterday!! I'm so proud of him! We'll have to see what kind of points he has and needs, but most likely in the next few months he will get a raise and finally have this new rank. YAAAAY!!!

Congratulations, my Love. I'm so happy for you!

Not only that, but we have found out where we will be stationed in Germany! While nothing is set in stone, I'm happy that we will be going to this particular post (or base??). It is near a lot of places we want to visit and seems pretty nice.

Hubby forwarded an email he got with instructions for us, and I'm busy attempting to decipher it. I swear, the military way of writing things is more difficult to understand that Lawyer-speak or worse yet, Congress-speak. It may take a day or two, but hopefully I'll have it figured out soon, haha.

Moody Mornings. A tale of moods in the morning.

2010-03-01T10:20:00.005-06:00

I was very mature this morning. The epitome of adult. How, you may ask?

First of all, I stayed up far too late last night. I had experienced a crappy day. Not sure why I was feeling that way, but I just was grouchy. So I stayed up late, watching movies that had no other point to them other than to distract me from my bad attitude.

As I slept last night, I ended up with two little girls, one on each side. This has started to become a habit, and while it is sweet that they love to cuddle with mommy, it means I don't sleep well when little elbows and knees and feet dig into my back, my tummy, or my head. I love the darlings, but I was SO not feeling the love EARLY this morning when I woke to them smooshing me between them. In an act of desperation, I grabbed a pillow, and escaped to the foot of the bed, lying perpendicular to them, and more importantly, out of their reach. The blissful sleep resumed, for an entire 5 minutes. During that time, my two girls instinctively rolled into the space I had recently inhabited, and discovered that it was no longer mommy they were snuggling up to anymore. (Insert screechy cat yowl)

"STOP POKING ME!!"

"MOM! Meadow is KICKING ME!" ("Better you than me," I think to myself)

"MOM! Jewel is laying on my hair!"

"OUCH! STOP IT!"

Ugh. Before rolling over and throwing a pillow over my pounding head, I tell the girls if they don't stop fighting I'm going to kick them out of bed. So pipe down, stop fighting, and let me sleep, mmmk?

See? SO mature.

As I lay gripping my cell phone in my half-asleep state, I hear the Last of the Mohican's score ring out... the ringtone for my text messages. (I LOVE that movie!!) I might mention it is almost 5 am, the time I was hoping to start the snooze button ritual I have every morning, where I pound it every 5 minutes until I can pass as something other than a zombie. Peeking at the phone, I see that school has been delayed two hours.

THANK THE LORD! Now I can get a little more sleep!!

Smiling and rolling over, I reset my alarm and doze off again. At some point, my girls had gotten up, and were busy making a ton of noise. Jewel is determined NOT to be late to school. (She has a huge fear of being embarrassed by being late. Something that has only happened 2 times this year, I proudly add. If you know me, you'll know why this is something I'm proud of... :) So she proceeds to bug the ever loving HECK out of me to get up. Hmmmph.

"JEWEL. IT IS ONLY 6:15 AM. You don't have to be at school until 10!!! I'M TIRED. LET ME SLEEP SOME MORE, CHILD OF MINE."

This does not dissuade her. Not a teensy tiny bit. For the next 1/2 hour she pestered me every 3 or so minutes. Resplendent, I might add, in her backpack and coat. Ready to leave for school. At 6:30 AM, people. I can't wait to remind her of this when she is 16.

Here is where I get really mature, people. I warn her that if she doesn't leave me alone, I will purposefully sleep in longer. *Shaking head at myself* I know, I know, that is NOT what a responsible parent should do, but I was terribly annoyed at my lack of sleep.

She ended up staying away for another 20 minutes, but not without loudly spinning both of her siblings up. She was in a very bad mood. Something I think I helped with just a little bit...

Makes me think of the Calvin and Hobbes comic where Calvin is in a foul mood, so he pisses off Suzy and thinks to himself, "Nothing helps a bad mood like spreading it around." :-S

The morning ended up pretty well once I dragged my butt out of bed around 8am. I'm not annoyed anymore, but I think tonight I may lock my door before falling asleep. Hopefully that doesn't make me a bad mom.

In which we learn about the birds and the bees...

2010-02-28T16:58:00.003-06:00

My oldest daughter, Jewel, will be 8 this upcoming September. She is in the 1st grade.

She came up to me today with curiosity about how babies are made. Oh man. I know she is old enough that her peers at school may already know, and may already be talking about it. I really didn't want to tell her about it until later, but I'd rather Mommy explain the birds and the bees than a little boy her age. Just sayin'.

So, I closed the door, let the other two kids fight about what movie they wanted to watch, and settled her down next to me. Sitting there, with a big fluffy pillow to hold while I freaked out in my mind for a good few seconds, I finally worked up the nerve to talk to her about it.

I started the conversation by explaining that what I was about to tell her, was not something you can talk to your friends about. Some kids might not know about it and they didn't need to know about it until their mommy or daddy told them. Kind of like Santa Clause, I reasoned to her.

Then I jumped in and told her the most technical way I could, without mentioning male body parts (other than sperm) or actions. Hoping I could just explain how an egg was fertilized, I gave her a pretty good run down of how a baby was created... using Youtube for illustrations on a baby's development. We went over the female body parts. We went over that because a baby comes from both a part of mommy and a part of daddy, it gets little pieces of a puzzle from each of them to make up a new person. I smoothly (or so I thought) glided over exactly HOW the sperm carrying the puzzle pieces gets from daddy's body to mommy's body. I said that it was just we had special cuddle time. Yeah, I wasn't as smooth as I had hoped...

After my rather lengthy diatribe on how baby's were made... minus the actions or body parts that it took to fertilize the egg... she then sat there. Not sated. She had one more question to ask.

"But Mommy, how does the sperm get into the mommy's body to fertilize the egg?"

Crap.

I had hoped to avoid it, but she had this curious air about her, along with this embarrassed smile that told me she had a clue already.

Dammit. *hugs fluffy pillow*

So before I jumped into the point of no return, I asked her if she REALLY wanted to know. Yep, she did. Then after warning her that she couldn't talk to her friends about this...AGAIN... I took a deep breath and stepped into uncharted territory.

I explained the boy anatomy. No pics this time, haha. Luckily she has seen her little brother's stuff in the past and has a general idea. I explained that when a mommy and a daddy get married they have a special cuddle time. ONLY married people, I pushed. Grown UP, married people. Like kids get married or something, but anyways...

Then, keeping to safe technical ground and hand illustrations, I narrated the bare minimum of what takes place to get the sperm to the egg. The BARE minimum. As in, "They cuddle, THIS goes into THIS, then the egg gets fertilized. Voila." I told her the name of the action, and told her again she couldn't talk about this with friends... just Mommy. (PLEASE, just Mommy!!)

She was so embarrassed. Kind of like her Mommy. I explained again that this was only for Mommy and Daddys, and then we went over how this sometimes happens and no babies occur, but that is ok because that is the way God made us. It isn't bad, it is just for people who are married. She then asked if people do it when they are not married.

Double crap. I was truthful with her, and said that sometimes (GROWN UP!) people do that too, but that it isn't really safe and that it hurts the hearts of those that do it when they are not married. (Hey, that is my world view. I don't judge, but I have the principles I want to raise my kids on too...)

Then I gave her a quick run down of what were private places, how to NEVER let another person see or touch them (until she is married to her future husband), as they are only hers. That those places on her body aren't bad, but that they need to be protected, and if anything ever makes her uncomfortable, or nervous, or if she is curious and has more questions, she can talk to me. That it is ok and safe to talk to me about anything. That she will never, ever get in trouble if she talks to me. (PLEASE talk to me!!)

It ended well. We sat and talked and she seemed pretty comfortable, albeit a little embarrassed at times, but in my mind, it ended up a success. I think I even cracked a joke that she couldn't kiss a boy until she was 40. We ended up giggling and feeling safe. Which is exactly how I wanted it to be. I want her to feel safe enough to come to me and ask me anything. Even if in the future she does something she probably shouldn't have done. Even if someone tries to hurt her and threatens her, God forbid. I want her to be safe... I want to be her safe place on earth.

I love my Daughter!! I'm having a hard time seeing her as little right now. :(

Ouch! This whole "having your kids grow up" HURTS!!!

Gulp

2010-02-26T16:52:00.002-06:00

I had to make a few purchases today. I don't know about everyone else out there, but after being frugal and watching pennies it physically HURTS me to spend money. Painful process, that handing over of cash.

Today the schools posted ANOTHER snow day, so we headed off to the eye doctor for my oldest daughter, Jewel's, appointment. She did indeed end up needing glasses. It was a complex prescription, as she is both a little near-sighted AND far-sighted. So following that we went to good ol' Wally world to fill her prescription. I kid you not, she is all about the dark frames. The big, chunky, scholarly dark frames. The frames that didn't cost $9. Oh no! The frames that cost $68 were the ones she fell in love with immediately.

Since she is a rather responsible kid with her possessions, I decided that I would allow her to choose this time, as she mostly will be using them for reading. If she loses them or breaks them, however, she will only get $9 frames from now on, no excuses. She understood and accepted the deal. Unfortunately, even though I had tried to prepare her for this, she found out she would have to wait a week for her glasses order to be filled. OH, HOW THE SKY IS FALLING!!! After informing her I could always call and cancel the order if it was too much for her to wait, she piped down. A week isn't so long now, is it Little Lady?

So, $120 bucks later I'm travelling home. OUCH. But since they are necessary and for my kid I have a hard time feeling too bad about the money spent.

Fast-forward to this afternoon.

I'm sitting at my computer. I'm breaking out into a sweat. I'm staring at page after page of scantily-clad models with red words marked "SALE!" or "CLEARANCE!" in the description space next to them. I'm looking at the greatly lowered prices and still having a hard time breathing.

You see, my lovely little dog, Tucker, has a thing for bras. He thinks they are the best chew toys in the world, especially the padded ones (So I have little boobs, sue me!). Recently the little bugger decided to gather any bra he could reach, drag them to a forsaken corner, and chew the heck out of that little spot between the cups. And when I say chew, I mean demolish.

Now, I'm not that great at always making sure my bras are in a drawer when I pull 'em off at night. Sometimes they get flopped over my desk chair, other times they end up in a pile of clothes or on my bed (which he jumps onto and then drags the objects of his destruction away...). So I am very much to blame for this happening.

But when I started clicking "Add to Bag" online, I felt sick. I bought almost all clearance or sale items, but it still added up. It really did. I'm sure I'll be in lingerie heaven as soon as they all arrive, but for now I feel a little sick about how much quality undergarments cost. Ick. I spent around the same amount of money for "unmentionables" as I did for my daughters glasses! (Thank you tax return!!!) I know the particles of clothing are a normal part of life, but I still can't buy them without feeling guilty!

Getting there... ever so slowly!

2010-02-23T18:33:00.002-06:00

I'm taking the rubble from the time where the kids and I were here snow-bound, and attempting to recreate a home. Which is no small feat, I say!

On top of it all I'm trying to get things de-cluttered and ready for the move that will happen in the future. I'm thinking that if I start now with the mess, HOPEFULLY I will have an easier time of it. I don't want to spend all summer cleaning, organizing, etc. I want to be able to spend it with family and friends, soaking up the time spent with them before we have to leave. So often I neglect my relationships in search of order. Sometimes it's a good thing, but most of the time it is a bad thing. Too much focus on the here and now of my redundant work means that the more important things in life are left starving. Relationships, love, friendship, and quality time that turns in to memories.

So I'm taking this time that my kids are in school (hopefully tomorrow will not be another snow day! *crossing fingers and sending up a prayer*), to clean and do all of that mundane stuff so that we can LIVE when we are together.

I also need to make up daily schedules (*snicker, snort*). We'll see if that truly happens. Don't blame a girl for hoping!!

For your listening pleasure.

2010-02-22T09:27:00.003-06:00

And because I don't have much to say today...

One of my newly favorite bands. Ladies and Gentlemen, I present... MUSE. Give 'em a little listen. :)

Unintended

An INCREDIBLY haunting and beautiful tune. Honestly, I could listen to it on a loop for hours... and may or may not have done so...

Sing for Absolution

Another addictive song, this song makes me feel a little mysterious, a little sad, and a little nostalgic, and for what reason - I have no idea.

Supermassive Black Hole

A sassy, catchy song, I just LOVE how it sounds. Not to mention the lyrics give me a little laugh. :)

Uprising

This is the song that started it all for me. I remember hearing it at a get together in the background, and it caught my attention. I later found out who sang it and a new music love affair began, lol. I LOVE this song. The lyrics are SO great. It pretty much sums up my inner feelings on our country's political situation. Not to mention the music is just catchy as heck. My kids think this is the greatest song! We crank it up in the car, and they clap and carseat-dance. It is so cute. :)

Got my dander up...

2010-02-20T22:46:00.005-06:00

After a particularly frustrating and angering conversation today, I started thinking... and this is what I thought. (I wrote this in my journal posts I'm writing on my other blog, but wanted to shout it out extra loud.) So here you go.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today, I'm not going to talk about what I made for dinner. Or how many loads of laundry I washed. Or which floors I mopped.

Today, I'm going to let it rip. Hope the whiplash isn't too rough!

You know, I can do anything I want to do. I love to learn, I love to accomplish things, and I love to debate, talk, create, and fight for what I believe in. But the job that I have, as a wife and mother, as mundane as it can be at times, is SO SO important.

Because I'm raising the future generation.

As parents we have a unique job. One that pays not in tangible ways, but in much more significant, intangible ways. Lets take a typical day in my house, for example. Two of my children get in a fight about something.

Something really, truly stupid.

They want a particular seat at lunch. They want to play a certain game and the other doesn't. They decide to break a rule and do something they know they are not allowed to do.

So, MY job is to break up the fight, teach the lesson on what is ok and what is not, and get the appropriate responses. Kind of mundane right?

NO.

This is the future generation of adults. Adults who will be doing business, electing officials or BEING elected, and dealing with adult situations. Lo and behold, they are learning their life lessons from US, the parents.

If I teach them that it is ok to lie, they will lie when they grow up, causing great harm with every lie that falls off of their lips. If I teach them it is ok to pitch a fit and lose it when life doesn't give them what they want... they are going to end up on the street, or worse, in jail.

If I don't teach them to communicate, to have compassion, to show respect, to forgive, to be sorry, to share, to obey rules set in place, and to know right from wrong, then the future generation that I am raising will be a disaster.

So is my job right now important? I would say my job is the most useful, needed, and important job of all time!!!! If I don't do my job, the domino effect could be of cataclysmic proportions, because guess what? They will not only be affecting their generation, but the generation that follows them!!

That said...

I'm not only useful in the home. I have a mind. A mind that thinks, and thinks well. I have a heart that feels, and feels well. I have a chance to affect not only the following generation, but MY generation! I am capable of encouraging, of supporting, of teaching, of changing others. Just because I stay at home and clean toilets, pick up toys, get the groceries, pay the bills, coordinate multiple moves, do the laundry, wash the dishes, cook the food, feed the dog, sweep the floors, and the other countless chores my job requires, it does not mean I am useless otherwise.

I can discuss politics, finance, science, meaning of life, and society with the best of them. I can read, and just as importantly write, to learn new things, form my opinions and thoughts, and spread them to others who would read them and learn from them. I can volunteer, adding to the collective community, and making differences in others lives, for them to carry on and add to for the progress of humanity.

Hell, I can go back to school, get a degree, and even BE SOMETHING in the working environment as well, although I doubt it will impact the world in the same way that I am right now.

So maybe women are better off in the home. The hand that rocks the cradle DOES rule the world, after all. Marie Curie, gifted scientist that she was, had a mother. Napolean Bonaparte had a mother, Winston Churchill had a mother, as did Thomas Jefferson, George Washington, Daniel Boone, Abraham Lincoln, and Christopher Columbus. Those men had mommies, people. Parents who taught them life lessons before they would ever be the great historical figures we see today. In fact, with a little bad parenting, they could have been an Adolf Hitler, a Kim Jong II, or a Stalin.

One should never belittle our work here. We are just as capable as men in playing politics, researching science, managing people in business, and practicing law. Like a certain woman said, "Just because my reproductive organs are on the inside, it does not make my ability to do my job any less than those of you with reproductive organs on the outside." Am I capable of doing other work? A resounding YES! However, I have chosen my work, and in my opinion, as mundane as it may seem from day to day, I have chosen well! I should never be told that my place is here because I am less capable of "greater work". The greatest work I could ever do is taking place right here in this little cabin.

This is food for thought... by a little ol' housewife, who is more than a little ticked at the notion that we work at home because we are useless otherwise, because our brains obviously can't handle other important tasks in the world, or because our "emotions" (Don't even get me started on how men can be JUST as emotional!!!!!) handicap us from doing many of the things that men have done, or are doing, or will do. That is just, well, equine feces.

Taking a peaceful moment.

2010-02-19T15:03:00.002-06:00

A few years ago, a dear friend of mine gave me a little book. It is one of my favorite ways to de-stress. I sit down with a cup of coffee, open its love-worn pages and read through the little tidbits on each page. Sometimes certain ones jump out at me, and today I wanted to share one.

Choose to...

Choose to love...rather than hate.

Choose to smile...rather than frown.

Choose to build...rather than destroy.

Choose to persevere...rather than quit.

Choose to praise...rather than gossip.

Choose to heal...rather than wound.

choose to act...rather than delay.

Choose to forgive...rather than curse.

Choose to pray...rather than despair.

I needed these few words. My attitude is my choice. My actions are my choice. I'm forgiving myself for my bad attitude in the past few weeks, and choosing to move forward.

Impact

2010-02-18T11:31:00.003-06:00

Sometimes, as we go through life, something comes along that makes an impact on our lives. It could be a person, an experience, a story, a book, or something happening somewhere that shakes us to our core. It crashes into us, goes through our skin, and lodges itself in a way that can never be forgotten.

All of us experience this happening. It scars us in a way, leaving an undeniable mark forever. Sometimes these scars are reminders of something bad, but I'm going to focus on the good right now. We are changed in a way.

While I have had a number of these impacts, these crashes into my consciousness, I'd like to focus on two books that had this kind of affect on me.

The first is a book that my mom gave me to read. Cativating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul, By Stasi Elderedge.

This book searches a woman's heart. It searches God's heart toward women. It made me turn the pages with wonder. As I read it I became amazed at how dead on the author was in her thoughts. Things that I hadn't thought of before made absolute perfect sense. It was calming and thoroughly enjoyable. I highly, HIGHLY recommend it!

Unfortunately, I no longer have the book. I was so sure it would have a good impact on whoever read it, that I gave it to a troubled teenage girl that lived across the street. Her life had been so hard, and I hoped that she would read it and come to a realization that she WAS worth appreciation and love, no matter what the past had held. Tragically, her house burned down shortly thereafter, and the book with it. They moved away and over time I lost contact with her. But a part of me hopes that she did read it, and found some meaning there before it was lost to her.

The second book that had this kind of impact on me was Soul Cravings, by Erwin Raphael McManis. A stunning book, to say the least, this book opened my eyes in much deeper way to all that surrounded me. It talks about the three things that our souls crave. Intimacy (love), Destiny (Future/hope), and Meaning (purpose). This book is not designed to be read by bible-thumpers in an exclusive churchy setting.

No.

This book is meant to be read in the quiet of your own time. No matter what you believe in, no matter how you view the world. This book catches all. McManis wrote this book in an incredibly easy-to-read format. He takes you along on a journey, discovering why we as people, no matter what we believe, or where we are from, desire three things from the very core of ourselves. How we NEED them like we need air, whether we want to admit it to ourselves or not. The conclusions are nothing short of amazing. At least to me. It spoke to my heart in a way that was so completely REAL, like it had ripped off the facade we are a part of like a Band-Aide. I was shocked to see that kind of realness in a book. Shocked, and pleasantly surprised. It will impact me for the rest of my life.

It is my hope that more people will take the time to read these two books. They made such an impact on me, on the way I think, and on the way I live my life, that I can't help but try to pass that kind of impact along.

Sometimes you just need to cry.

2010-02-17T11:45:00.003-06:00

Today was just one of those days.

I've felt trapped in my own home. Nothing tragic is happening, really. I have just felt overwhelmed. With the snow coming down, the kids haven't been to school in a week. I'm running low on groceries. There have been constant and huge messes cropping up faster than I can keep up with them.

I was very angry. I was very mopey. I was not enjoying anything, and resenting everything. I wasn't a very pleasant person.

And then, I stopped. I went online, I found some nice ol' chicken soup for the military stories and I cried. I cried and cried and cried.

You see, I work very hard at NOT crying. I try to keep a stiff upper lip, a straight back, and a defiant stance against the reality and hardships that this life brings. I'm not complaining, there are aspects I love about military life. I try very hard to focus on the good, and not think about how long he has been gone, how hard it is to do it all alone, or how I just want a little break.

But all in all, sometimes I have to let it in. I have to FEEL how hard it is, and stop pretending it isn't there in the back of my mind constantly. I have to acknowledge the difficulty, face it, break under it, and then build back up again. A good cry does that for me. I let it out, I cry hard behind closed doors and let my heart hurt and the tears flow. Most of the time I need a little help from a story or two about other women in my situation, and when I have compassion for them, I let me feel compassion for myself as well. And the wall breaks.

Once I have had a good, long, hard cry, I feel clean again. I feel the tides shift and my outlook brighten. Sure, nothing has really changed, but for a few moments, I was allowed by myself to just be human...be normal...be weak.

I feel better now. I feel like I can face the rest of the day. My heart isn't hurting anymore. I wipe away the tears, take a deep breath, and march on.

haha, yeah right.

2010-02-15T17:26:00.002-06:00

The schools were cancelled (AGAIN) today, so my little darlings were home today. Guess what? My plans fell through.

I didn't do any laundry. My room is still a black hole. By this afternoon I realized there might be a very good chance that my extremely bad mood and frustrations with my children might have been a direct result from my efforts at quitting, so like the wuss I am, I went and bought more smokes. Sigh. At least I didn't want to yell at them for the smallest thing anymore. Health be damned, if it is going to make them need therapy in the future. At least for today.

I DID cook, however. I never did make bread, and I forgot I didn't have an ingredient for the roast. I did make an extremely good artichoke spinach dip, and homemade crackers. I've never made homemade crackers before, but I figured having snacky food around would help with the cabin fever grouchies. Oh, and because the artichoke dip was SOOO good, I thought I'd share the recipe. Click here to get it. The only thing I did differently was that I added 1/4 cup of white wine to it. Wine makes all things taste better. Oh, and I doubled the garlic. Garlic makes everything taste better too. You'd think I was Italian or something!

The crackers weren't marvelous, but I'll play with them some more before I post a link or recipe for them. But just so you know, they are pretty easy to make.

So, I failed at quitting, the house is the same, but I cooked. And survived. Yay me!

Tricksy.

2010-02-14T17:54:00.002-06:00

You know how I may have mentioned a few times how very bad I am at procrastinating?

Well, I've decided that maybe if I posted my plans for tomorrow here, that perhaps I could use that as incentive to actually follow through on my plans. Kind of like inviting guests over when you need to clean your house, ya know? :)

So. Here are my plans for tomorrow. *Crossing fingers that the kids have school*

My first plan of action will be to throw some laundry in, to make a small dent in the mountain of clothes that seemed to appear overnight. I'll trek up the stairs, and go straight to the kitchen. There I will prep 2 loaves of bread, and a dish of brownies. Because I'm going to need chocolate, ladies. NEED. I'll also throw together the roast and veggies and put them in the crock pot, as I have NO desire to cook tomorrow night.

Then I'm going to go around the house spending 15 minutes per room straightening up. (Some rooms may want more time than that, but they will just have to wait for another turn.)

By that time, the bread should have risen twice (with a fun little punch in between, hehe), the brownies will be out, and the oven already pre-heated. I'll throw those loaves in, and sit down with a large brownie and glass of milk.

I might want to mention about now that I have decided to try to quit smoking again. I should have no problem working my butt off since I'll need a lot of distractions!

While the bread is baking, I'm going fold and put away that laundry I tried to accomplish earlier. Hopefully now it will be noon, and I can sit down and eat a fresh sandwich. OH YUM. And then I shall eat another brownie.

'Cause I can.

I'll probably spend a moment or so cleaning up messes not touched before, gather the trash, go to the dump, and then to pick up my youngest.

We'll come home, she will nap, and I will attack the black hole known as "Mommy and Daddy's Room". It's so not pretty. It's so messy. And it is so the reason I have to get my butt in gear. I always ignore this room in an effort to keep up with the rest of our home. It's killing me, and so I'm going to take sweet Flylady's advice and make my bedroom a haven instead of a place of horror. I plan to spend the rest of the day in that room, as parenting permits, of course.

What do you think? Do you think I can pull this kind of day off?? Tell you what, even though I'm pretty sure I don't have a ton of readers out there, I hereby promise to come back tomorrow night and let you know if I can accomplish any of this plan.

Ta ta!!

A bag of emotions.

2010-02-13T23:21:00.003-06:00

I MUST be PMSing!!! haha

One indication of this is that I am CHOCK FULL of emotions and random thoughts. Another indication is my quickly changing ideas. Which is why one sentence ago I was planning to monologue. Now I am going to use bullets to categorize my rants/feelings/gushings. Sue me. (See? Sassy! I am NEVER sassy unless I am PMSing!!)

Anyhoo... on with the post! In the perfectly random thought process that presently occupies my head.

I miss someone. Deeply. At least two times a day I want to chat with or call this person and I'm scared to do so. The reasons I feel I can't are not something I want to talk about, but it really bothers me that I can't just get over my own insecurities and talk it out. Spilled milk and water under bridges don't comfort me in this predicament. UGh.
I'm really wondering if I have a problem with my ego. I feel compelled to strive and achieve, and at times I suck very badly at both. Does this mean I think I am a better person than I am? Or does it mean I am reaching beyond my grasp? Not sure which one is right, or if both are wrong, or if both are right!?...
I wish more people remembered that there is a still a war going on out there. It's gone on so long that people seem to be forgetting the sacrifices that our men and women in uniform are making, and taking them for granted again. Especially those who have gone to Afghanistan. In so many ways, the conflict there screams Vietnam.
In a continuation of the previous bullet, I'm annoyed that more attention is not being given to the fact that the Army is NOT caring for the veterans of the conflicts we have been involved with in better fashion. So many are discharged. So many keep bottled up the emotions that they have do deal with after facing war, only to return and have those feeling spilled out in destructive ways. From what I hear, if a soldier reports issues they can't deal with, they are unwittingly subject to peer discrimination, command discrimination, and a good chance at getting belittled by all. Just for saying that the ugliness of war that they have had to face is difficult and sometimes debilitating. It makes me sick. We send these boys (and girls) to face things we can only imagine in our darkest moments, in an effort to protect us, and expect them to come back and behave nicely. Fools!! You ask so much, and give so little!! Why don't we start taking care of our boys, instead of ostracizing them?? Thus endeth my vent.
People really underestimate the struggles of a military wife. Even when they butt kiss you. (See? Sassy. I can't help it right now, it's flowing like a river people...)
News Flash: I struggle in my thoughts about motherhood. Am I a good mother? Am I raising them right? Are my efforts to shelter from some things and let them live unsheltered from others a good move? AND MOST OF ALL... WHY, oh, WHY don't they come with manuals???!!!
Procrastination is my middle name. Even now, I procrastinate against a clock saying it is my bedtime. I want to argue with a mechanical THING and LOGIC. This is very, very bad.
I've been meaning to call a friend for 3 weeks now. Not sure why I haven't. I think fear is involved. Wow. I'm such a wuss.
I'm a wuss when it comes to paper too. I was an accounting major (back in the day before marriage and pregnancy) and I LOVE money, or at least numbers, but I HATE paper. I done got too much o' it. I need to git rid o' it. And me lazy arse dunna wunt tuh DO it. See? Even my intelligence shuts down at the thought of the piles of tree pulp and ink glaring at me! Can I get an Amen? Please?

*Crickets*

And thus endeth Tasha's random, emotional (And PMS-IE!!!) blog entry. I hope you enjoyed, made it to the end without clicking away, or simply decided that I was FAR too crazy to read again. :) No big, all three options make me smile...

Europe

2010-02-13T13:58:00.003-06:00

Well, my friends, the decision has been made. We are going to Germany!! It took a lot of him and I hinting at each other and trying not to force our will on each other, but in the end, it seemed that we both kind of wanted the same thing. While we understand it will be a huge undertaking, we are both thrilled that we will get a chance to show our kids the world (as far as Europe is concerned) and let them experience it all!

(Not to mention that a nice little get away for the two of us to Italy is something we have both wanted for a while, should we have friends we feel comfy letting the kids stay with in the future...)

I'm not sure if he has told his side of the family yet. I'm pretty sure it would come better from him. I know they won't be thrilled, but I can hope they will be happy for our adventure. I know my family wasn't so thrilled at the thought, but I also know they are happy for us.

I have a lot to do in the future. A lot of organization, decluttering, paperwork gathering, and MORE organizing to do before we leave. I want this international move to go as smoothly as possible, so I am starting my prep work NOW. I'm researching, planning, and learning so that when the time comes, hopefully the only issues will be surviving the goodbyes, and jet lag. (I'm totally kidding myself, I know it will be more strenuous!) There is a vast array of info out there, and it is making my head swirl! I'm kind of nervous that some of it may be outdated, or useless, but I plan on slowing becoming as informed and prepared as I can possibly be!

I'm starting a "Germany" notebook, that will contain any useful info pertaining to our move, our stay, and our travel. I'm going to section it, organize the hell out of it, and hopefully, USE it to make this experience easier.

So, any suggestions from out there in blog land? :)

He who has ears....

2010-02-12T17:17:00.002-06:00

.....And eyes, check this little story out.

I LOVE this guy's blog. I LOVE what they are trying to do. And I would LOVE it if you would give it a moment of your time. Plus, these prints are just gorgeous. ;) You'll see what I mean when you click over there.

Dear Tucker

2010-02-09T22:39:00.004-06:00

Dear Tucker,

You are an amazing little dog. A true people person, er, dog, you show everyone who crosses our threshold how welcome they are here. And if they ignore you, you continue to ~~bother~~ show them your love until they acknowledge your presence!

You certainly don't eat much. That could have to do with the fact that you are regularly sneaked treats by all who cross your path. For crying out loud, the neighbors even buy treats for you!

When I go to take the kids to school in the morning, you get very offended at the fact we would leave you at home alone for an entire 20 minutes, and if you can sneak out, you camp out under the car as a demonstration of your offense, and try valiantly to jump into the car when someone opens the door and is not looking. Luckily, a broom is kept on the porch to reach you when you are stubbornly set on camping out beneath the car in protest. I feel bad, but I really don't want to run over you, little man!

You have a string of girlfriend dogs from your travels across the country, and though you are sure they are in love with you, I assure you, the growling at your, *ahem*, advances are not playful or flirty. I know you are lonely, and want to pro-create, but taking it out on my daughter's stuffed puppies is depraved. Funny, at first, but now really gross. Plus, I'm tired of washing them.

I love the way your fur is when you are freshly bathed, all fluffy like a brand new stuffed animal, and rather humorously, I can tell when you need your next bath by how your fur looks like a not-so-new, and well loved stuffed animal after a bit.

You are a pampered pup, there is no doubt left in my mind. However, I would like to address something...

While I appreciate your sense of humanity is so heightened that you have assumed all "potty accidents" must occur in the bathtub when dire need arises, I'm more than a little annoyed (although curiously amused, all things considered) that you have recently decided that the toilet we use, shall henceforth be your toilet. Ah HA! Caughtcha! Want to know how I found out? You are all of 5 lbs, can't lift your leg higher than 4 inches, and your puppy puddles are rarely more than a tablespoon or so. No other mammal in this house fits that criteria. BUSTED!

Little booger. He just lost the on the bed privileges snuggled up in goose down with me, and got a one way ticket to the crate.

The end.

A biggie...

2010-02-09T06:44:00.002-06:00

Last night when my husband called me from Korea, we made a key decision together, and had another key decision to be made result from that decision.

Well folks, we are staying in the Army...

We had hoped to get out, and have a "normal" life in one place, but the closer we have gotten to the end of his contract, the more we realized we weren't quite ready to get out. We have financial things that aren't quite in order. We have possible jobs that don't look as promising as they did several months ago. It just didn't feel as right as we had hoped...

So last night, we made the decision to stay in for the next 3 years, if not longer. For some reason, it feels safer (Gee, with this economy it is not hard to see why!). I'm not happy about the fact that this most likely means another deployment, but hey, this is the life we are used to and have accepted.

Now, of course we have a choice of places to be stationed. The Army isn't giving any bonuses right now, at least for his MOS, so the best we can get out of them is a choice of duty stations. And herein we face our dilemma. What do we choose??? Our choices are Fort Bliss Texas, Fort Hood Texas, Hawaii, Fort Campbell Kentucky, Fort Knox Kentucky, maybe some other Forts in the States, and last, but not least, Germany. Now, Germany stands out, as we have never lived abroad. The possibilities of travel, new cultures, and new languages are very enticing. The fact we will have to be so far away from family is not so enticing.

I love our families, and so do the kids, so a measure of guilt rises up whenever I think about choosing Germany. In all reality we would see them less than once a year, unless we used A-flights. But then, I wonder if I might kick myself for passing up the opportunity of living abroad, and the experiences both my children and I would miss. When one is just a train ride away from France and Italy, the chance of some really fun adventures presents an appealing possibility.

Did I mention we have until this Friday to choose?? AGhhhh!!! I'm leaning toward Germany. Hard. I have my feelings of apprehension, but those pale in the excitement somewhat. I know our families won't be thrilled by the thought of us leaving, as well as many of our friends, but I just can't seem to shake the thought of going there and all the experiences that I could give my kids!!

Ultimately, my husband has made it clear he wants this to be a joint decision, and wants me to weigh in with my thoughts. I would be happy letting him decide where we will go (after all, it is HIM who will be working there), but since he wants me to help decide, I now face the discomfort of choosing. I know in the end, it will be his choice, and I feel that is only right, but MAN, this helping in the decision is a little scary! :)

Why.

2010-01-25T19:32:00.002-06:00

When people look at life, in tragedy, or when the miraculous happens, sometimes people ask, "Why?".

Why do some die and some live?

Why does the good sometimes fail, and why does the bad happen?

Why does God allow this?

Here's one for you...

Why do we ask "why"?

I believe in God, in Jesus, and though I have faith in Him, I still wonder at times... "Why?"

Something happened this weekend. A miracle. To call it less would make no sense. Someone very close to me should have died. All "logical" explanation fails to add up. This is not the first time I have experienced something like this. Overjoyed at the outcome, at the perfectness of how it all added up, I shared this wonderful story with a friend of mine, hoping they would be able to share in the joy of this incredible miracle. What I heard in return was nothing short of a slap in the face.

I understand why they asked the reason "WHY" of God, but it saddened me to know that someone could have felt so hardened by the pain of loss that they could not be happy for a save.

You see, this friend has experienced great loss before. Has seen people die, for reasons they cannot see the point in. I know that in time, they will not feel the same about this miracle, and will even rejoice in it, but the pain of knowing that it hadn't happened for others was too great to feel the joy for the person it DID happen to.

Why did God allow the earthquake in Haiti? Why does God allow suffering happen in Africa, in China, in Kazakhstan, in Nepal, in the US?

Why does God allow some children to be molested, aborted, or abused?

Why? Why? Why?

I feel those cries. I feel that pain. It seems almost too much to bear, to know, REALLY know that it exists. I get how one could become so jaded, so pessimistic, that all one sees is the pain and suffering.

However.

It is important to see the miracles as well. The little (or huge) testaments of faith, love, hope, and forgiveness, that make us who we are. To rejoice in one thing that didn't go horribly wrong.

Our society is so very sad. Tragedy sells way more than miracles do. Tales of woe outweigh tales of triumph. It is like we are addicted to the bad, and cannot see the good that we take for granted every. single. day.

So my thought is this. Yes, there are horrors out there that NEED our attention. Yes, they make no sense at times. Yes, life can really suck at times. But should we allow this to turn us against God, to become so wrapped up in the pain of everything that goes wrong, so that we cannot possibly be of use to Him to finally do the GOOD he intends for us to do for others? To question Him so much that we deny even the most obvious of miracles, and are ungrateful for them?

I say NO. Lets THANK God for what goes right, instead of accusing Him for what goes wrong. Lets DO something to help where we can, instead of whining when He won't do everything for us. Lets stop spending so much time debating why bad things happen to good people, and start to appreciate the good things that do happen.

Weakness

2010-01-08T11:15:00.002-06:00

I have felt pretty weak for the past month.

A weak mother. (the kids keep fighting and at times I do just walk away and hide in my room)

A weak wife. (I don't know how to fix things for hubby when they are crappy)

A weak friend. (I have been SO bad about keeping in touch or making new friends here in TN)

A weak homemaker. (You should SEE my house!! I have zero motivation other than shame to keep it up)

A weak Christian. (I haven't spent much time AT ALL with Him, and I know that is a very real reason for these feelings...)

A weak person.

Funny thing is, people keep saying how strong I am and what a good job I do. HAH! I don't really believe them. It's a nice thought, and on occasion, gives me an little ego boost. I suppose in some ways what I do is considered strong, but I feel that people really don't understand that all I am doing is trying to put one foot in front of the other.

That. Is. All.

I'm also struggling a wee bit with a depressed spirit. I made the mistake of counting up how long it has been since he left for Korea, and how much more time was still left. That thought alone is enough to knock me off my feet. I was fine until I counted. Counting is bad. Very bad. I prefer the illusion that he left last week and is coming home next week. Granted, it is a difficult illusion to keep up, but it helps somewhat.

I realize I lean on him a lot for my happiness. But I digress.

Sad part is, many times I just want to call someone and whine for a long time, but I know I'll hear the same old thing. "You are strong!", or "You are doing a great job!".

I don't want to bother people who are busy, or come across as whiny. So I don't call. So I do it alone. I don't even want to burden my hubby, because the last thing he needs right now is to worry about me. So I feel stuck. And weak.

I guess what I'm trying to say here is... I need your prayers. I REALLY need them. It's hard for me to admit weakness. I HATE it. I want to be strong, but right now I'm just not strong.

I'm weak.

(Sorry for the downer post, but I can't figure out any other "safe" way for me to let these feelings out...)

2010

2010-01-04T17:30:00.003-06:00

I'll start by saying I have a thing against New Year's Resolutions. I never keep them, consistent person that I am, and after a few years of fruitless resolving I decided that Jan 1st was the worst date ever to make decisions. I have a rule with myself that I can state my hopes and wishes, but that I should not beat myself up if after a year I have not accomplished them.

Looking back on 2009 brings mixed emotions. There were friends made and friends that moved away. I came out of 2009 with at least 2 more dear friends that I know were put in my life for a purpose. My relationship with my in laws has vastly improved. I fought off a nasty case of "woman wanting my hubby". I learned I didn't HAVE to do it ALL. I found myself in a rough situation with a friend and instead of taking the easy way out I did the right thing, although it cost me dearly. I learned to forgive myself for failures, both real and imagined. I learned to love my husband in ways I didn't know were possible. I found that I had unimaginable patience at my disposal if I only set my mind and heart to it. I started projects, and didn't finish them. I battled physical setbacks from our accident, while proudly striding, er, limping forward when I had to take the family reins as my husband left to Korea for a year. I'm proud of myself for that accomplishment.

2009 also opened my eyes to areas that need improvement and work. I realized I needed to be more organized in order to have better peace. I found that I needed to use better self control when spending the moolah. I painfully realized that in many ways, I neglect my kids emotionally when I struggle emotionally. I admit this only because I am totally resolved (oops, I said resolved!) to rectify this error. I discovered a dream for the future that terrifies me, but also excites me. I finally admitted to myself I was up to the challenge.

2010 will be a new year, one full of challenges. I have a few resolutions for my life, that I do not limit to just one year. One year is not a large enough chunk of time for these resolutions to be fully realized. Just being able to admit it will take time is a large struggle for me, an instant-gratification junkie. However, it also helps me to breathe easier knowing that I have time to get there. Each day is a gift, and each day I can move forward. Even if I am standing still some days, or doing the hamster-on-a-wheel thing, I know that I am not moving backwards.

So I enter this new year with excitement and hope. I know I am off the hook from resolutions that I feel I will fail before I start. I know that I have things to look forward to doing, seeing, living. I know that with each step of every day, I will become more of the person I was created to be, and I relish the thought I have room to breathe. The letting go of my guilt allows me the room to take on what I must.

I hope to be a better blogger in the future, but I no longer carry the guilt about whether or not I am blogging. You'll probably see more of me as a result of that, ironically...

I hope 2010 will bring growth to you, inspire you, and set you free in ways you can't even imagine yet.

Tasha

Bullets... and being real

2009-12-08T17:19:00.003-06:00

I saw someone do this, and it made sense for my short thoughts...

I'm a horrible commenter/blogger. I hardly ever get back with people, I leave them hanging, and rarely comment, even when needed.
I feel obligated (even though I don't always follow through with that feeling) to keep up with everyone I follow... From the people who tug at my heart, to those I purely read for entertainment or education on a subject.
I carry guilt for those I have tried to be sweet to, and helpful to, as I love offering myself, and then under the crush of life, can't follow through.
I often feel these things make me a bad person.
Sure, I could alleviate my guilt on this, but then I would leave my OFF line life hanging as I pursue my online relationships more.
Is this just a woman thing or something? This feeling of having to please everyone I come into contact with?
And do people get angry/frustrated with me for this?
If they do, I think I will crawl into a hole or something...
Why does it all have to be so complicated? I don't want to pick and choose what I take from this. I don't want to feel selfish.
Mostly, I am sorry to everyone I have tried to keep up with, for things I have tried to do for you, for being sure I could handle lending a helping hand when I couldn't, for those I almost never leave comments with, for those who wonder where on earth I am these days. I don't want to be absent, I just get overwhelmed....
I feel this all makes me seem weak. I don't like being weak. I like being a strong rock. I'm a military wife for crying out loud. I should blog more. I should comment more. I should help more. Ugh. I should do a lot of things I feel incapable of doing these days.
I think I need to make some kind of priority list, and stop trying to spread myself so thinly... and in doing that, perhaps I could get back to these things that mean a lot to me...
I hope this explains what is going on somewhat.
I do hope to be back, to support you all, to feel your support, to just be fun and creative and writing.
When that will happen, depends on my drive, which I find lacking right now
I miss my hubby...
Hope I didn't bore you lovely souls. I'll try to come back soon. (And there with the guilt again!! Do I view myself so highly that people actually CARE if I come back or not? How ridiculous I am!!)

What really matters.

2009-11-20T08:09:00.002-06:00

I'm taking a little pause today. I've been cleaning/organizing/living like crazy and need a moment.

I also wanted to share my thoughts on this upcoming holiday season. The hustle and bustle. The crazy running around to see family and friends. The gimme-gimmes.

This year, it will be different. Some of the reasons are out of my hands, and some of them are by choice.

This year, Daddy won't be home.

This year, we are B-R-O-K-E. And REFUSE to put ourselves into debt just to "keep up".

This year, instead of buying expensive, fancy ornaments (All of our other ones broke last year when the tree fell), we will be stringing popcorn and cranberries.

This year, instead of buying my kids enormous amounts of toys that will only clutter up the house and become just another thing they have to pick up, I am making most of their gifts. Each one I put tons of love into, instead of swiping my card and running out of the store. (Not that I knock that... it IS fun to shop!!)

This year, the focus will be on giving, not receiving.

This year, my kids are going to hear more about Jesus and what he brought us, the ULTIMATE gift, rather than being all hyped up by a big, fat man in a red suit that satisfies their "gimmes".

This year will be hard in that I really hate having my family apart for Christmas.

But this year, we WILL celebrate the real, true, living reason that this season is so special and magical.

Getting back on track

2009-10-28T08:14:00.003-05:00

If you haven't noticed, I've been pretty absent. I haven't blogged in over a month. It's bad, I know.

I've just come to the realization that I need to get my life back. I've been so bogged down by my injuries, the stress of doing it all alone, my lack of time for God, missing my husband, that my hopes of a peaceful and organized life have not come to fruition. Gee, I wonder why?

I'm not connected in any kind of social way, other than getting on Facebook and wasting HOURS searching online for ways to get my life back together. Funny thing is, all I'm doing is reading about it. I'm not DOING it. That needs to stop. I can't handle the mess, the disorganization, the stress of it all anymore.

It's time to do.

Not think. Not wish. Not hope. DO.

So please pardon me... I haven't been keeping up with you all, and I feel guilty about that, but at the same time, my family needs me to do this. I'm taking a sabbatical from my blogging, and blog reading, until I have managed to have some kind of order in my everyday life. When I can go about my life in an orderly and less stressed fashion, I'll be back. I really do enjoy blogging, and being online, but it is eating me up that I haven't gotten it together more.

Love,

Tasha

Random Hi...and outletting a few thoughts.

2009-09-25T15:58:00.003-05:00

Hello, Bloggy World. I haven't spent time with you in the past few weeks. I really need to catch up with you, but my motivation is almost completely depleted. So I thought I'd throw out some randomness.

And I'll use bullets, since they are so darn fun. Be forewarned. My Aunt Suzie is on her way, and has adjusted my mood to something a little more friendly than a pit bull with hemorrhoids. I'll end it on a good note, I promise.

I have yet to get my cast removed from my foot. I won't go into details at this time, as I might start ranting for hours upon hours and then my face will turn red, I will crave massive amounts of wine to ease the distress and I will tell the kids to fend for themselves for dinner. (Just kidding. Kinda.)
There is a person, somewhere in the Army, and I don't know who or where they are. And they better hope it remains that way, as they are responsible for THREE of our paychecks DRASTICALLY lower than normal. They honestly think we can get away with only 30 cents for housing. And quite honestly, I don't like calls from credit cards saying, "Uh, where the heck is your payment!?" I chaps my ass, as my hubby would say.
I miss my dear friends who stayed with me for a while. The people you meet in the military are generally a hit and miss in regards to meaningful friendships. We hit outta the ball park with this family. I love them. :)
We own a house in VA. One we can't sell yet since we bought it at the wrong time, blah blah. We have people renting it. Guess what they aren't paying this month? Sigh. Paired with the Army screwing up our paycheck, I might as well go stand in line at the welfare office.
A family member of mine is facing legal issues, and it ain't pretty.
I miss my Hubby. Can I repeat that? I MISS MY MAN!!!!!! :(
My kids are hiding in the den, watching movies. They are wise, as I'm easily annoyed right now, and need to adjust my attitude before I'm worth anything as a mother.

Good things:

Er, I'm alive?
That God created man, and man created wine, and a glass of wine makes me smile and love everyone.
That I have beautiful children who are at least mostly understanding when Mommy is having a rough day.
That nobody I know and love is dying.
That I no longer have wires and rubber bands in my mouth, and can eat normal food.
That I can vent here, and know that I won't get crucified for being human, not perfect, and a little frustrated at times.

Ok. I feel better now.

So. Cute.

2009-09-11T09:27:00.002-05:00

So, I can't stay long, but I wanted to bop in and show you all this...

I love vintage things, and I have decided I absolutely MUST get a sewing machine, because check out this amazingly cute vintage patterns Etsy store!!! Oh I'm in love!

Also, I can't help but put a plug out here for my fabulous friend, Deidre, and her new line of vintage-redone fashion, Storm & Stress. I'm so proud of her and her recent fashion show she put on in my old home town, along with two other designers. She is so talented, and an absolutely AH-MAZING person on top of it! Plus, she married one of my bestest friends in the world. She couldn't get more awesome if she tried! Love you Deidre!!

Hearth and home

2009-09-10T08:40:00.002-05:00

I've been procrastinating a bit this morning, but I wanted to share really quickly that I have been making progress with my house. It really feels good when you don't have to trip when walking through a room! :)

I have friends coming this week (or hopefully, they are still awaiting orders) and I want to be able to relax with them. I know they love me regardless and don't judge me by the condition of my home, and I truly love that about them. However, I don't want to have to clean a lot when they are here, so I am doing it now!

Maybe when they are here I can decorate. That would be fun! Or maybe I can just sit for hours and hold their adorable baby. I've been craving a baby fix! Plus, that will give his mom a break too! I'm really looking forward to cooking for them as well. Cooking is so much more fun when you have guests to eat it!

So off I go to clean another room, throw in some laundry, and eat breakfast/brunch. Then later, I will be having parent/teacher conferences all afternoon to see how my little ones are holding up in school. BYE~

Finally taking a breath again

2009-09-03T17:00:00.002-05:00

Oh my, I thought my heart was going to explode out of my chest today! To kick off the day, I resolved my issue with the County Schools on the exemption I was going to get for my kids.

I ended up calling the TN Department of Education and speaking with the Director of Coordinated School Health. A MOST helpful individual! She assured me I was in the right, and that I could direct those giving me a problem to her. She also assured me that they would make every effort to make sure we were not ostracized in any way for our beliefs. Thank GOD!!!!! After informing the County, via phone message, what was told to me. I hung up the phone, and yelled "YES"! I even did a fist pump. Cuz I'm dorky like that. :)

I had also been waiting for a call from UVA Hospital, to find out when my arch braces for my jaw would be taken out. I knew that I had a spot reserved for tomorrow, and was told I would receive a call regarding when my actual appointment was going to be scheduled. At 4pm today, I had still not received a call.

Now, I have to drive 5+ hours to get to there, and I have to take my kids out of school for the day, and I have to have childcare for them while I get the braces off. The only person I could find that could actually watch them was my Grandma, bless her soul! Finally, in a near panic, I started calling every UVA number I could find until I got the right office. Since I wasn't even told where I was supposed to go.

I FINALLY got a hold of someone who knew when my appointment was and where I was to go. And, oh yeah, it is not a quick little thing, I have to go into surgery for this.

Oy vey.

They didn't tell me this was going to be a surgery!!! So I have to get my parents to pick me up from the hospital after work, since they absolutely cannot get off work, even though they tried. I'll sleep there Friday night and then probably head back home on Saturday so that I can get this house that resembles Kansas during a tornado back into some semblance of order.

I have to say, there is a God. If there weren't, I would be crazy by now! He is giving me the strength to do this, even though at times I'm sure I am just gonna cave in to it all.

I'm going to clean up around here, pack and load the car, and then go to sleep. At the lovely hour of 3am I should be scooting out of here to make the trip to VA. I know I won't have a ton of sleep to go on. But guess what? I'm going to look on the bright side of things and get LOTS of sleep while I am in the hospital. I won't have any visitors to entertain with my post-surgical wit (I get very witty when I have been drugged) and I'll know my kiddos are in good hands. So I'm gonna sleep, and enjoy the vacation. ;)

(But prayers are welcome.)

PS. Please pray for my hubby too. He hates not being able to be here for me right now and is stressing a lot about it. I love him! He needs to not worry so much. He is sick as well, so any prayers will be wonderful!

Autumn thoughts...

2009-09-02T08:24:00.002-05:00

I ADORE fall. I love the way the air turns crisp, the leaves turn vibrant colors, and the feel of warm soft sweaters on my kids and I.

Hugging your kids when they are wearing soft and snuggly sweaters is so yummy!

I love that you can build a campfire and ENJOY the heat radiating from it. The way the wood smells and the soft crackling, snapping and popping from wood not quite fully seasoned.

I love drinking apple cider and carving pumpkins. I love making pumpkin pie and pumpkin bread and pumpkin spice coffee. And anything else involving pumpkins.

I love taking long drives on mountain parkways and enjoying the scenery and colors, listening to happy music, and asking the kids to point out the different colors they see.

I love it when an autumn tree looks like it is a green paintbrush, dipped in several different shades of orange, yellow, and red.

I love the SMELL of fall!

Autumn, you can't come quickly enough, and I hope you stay around for a long time!

A little explaination. :)

2009-09-01T17:32:00.003-05:00

I just had an urge to post. I'm having that urge a lot lately.

I have a lot to get done. I say that all the time because all the time it is true. I have a to do list a mile long and so varied!

One thing I HAVE to do is deal with a lawyer that is advising my local county public schools.

I'm taking a big breath here, as I'm about to plunge into a highly debated topic.

I do not vaccinate my children. I have personal, medical, and religious reasons that support my decision. I am well-educated on the matter, and as the mother of my children, knowing them better than anyone, and in my faith responsible for their well-being, I have come to this decision.

By law, I am not required to vaccinate if it is against my religion (Read: FAITH). By law in most states, including TN, I have to sign a document, sometimes notarized, stating the vaccination requirements are against my religion. That is what the law says, that is what I do. Unfortunately, I now live in a county that can't wrap their head around this concept, even though I have provided the Tennessee codes. Apparently, it is not "good enough" to say, in a sworn statement, that vaccinations are against my religion.

The law states otherwise, and I had to go around finding evidence to prove I am following the law. I even looked up some Supreme Court cases to back me up too.

Anyhoo, when I asked them to provide me with the laws requiring me to provide further (and by law, unnecessary) evidence that this is indeed my religious position, they said that this lawyer who works with the Department of Education told them to get this further verification from me. I told them I wanted to speak with the lawyer, and they gave me his phone number. On Thursday (or Friday??) I left a very polite, professional message asking him to return my call. It is Tuesday evening now, and still no ring-ring. He may be busy, but they put a (as far as I know, bogus) time limit on me to resolve the issue before they kick my kids out of school.

Because the little darlings are TEEMING with highly infectious diseases and the other children who are vaccinated are SURE to contract the measles, rubella, polio, tetanus, and the chicken pox from my little CDC level 1,2 and 3 petri-children. (Heavy sarcasm)

And just for a moment, may I make a statement? Polio, the poster child for "reasons to vaccinate" hasn't been seen in the Western Hemisphere for at least 18 yrs, and in Asia, for the last 12 years. Although there is some arguments on those dates, it is pretty clear that is isn't a serious threat. End of Statement.

I'm pretty sure when the lawyer gets back with me he will quickly realize that this is not the mother he wants to harass. There are many 1st Amendment cases out there and I like the Constitution, the Bill of Rights, law, science, and writing letters. And I HATE it when people think I am a bad mother. Or ignorant and stupid, as they assume since I have religious beliefs and am not mainstream.

I have never, ever been subjected to this type of questioning before now. Even on a military post, when dealing with that school, they only asked what was required by law. (The military is vaccination crazy! My husband has had so many vaccinations, and they don't even tell him what he has been given!) Even there, on a military post, I was not harassed in this manner.

Now that I have fully researched the codes of TN, and have further evidence to back me up, I do not believe that I will have much trouble, but it is nagging me nonetheless. So there are my two cents on the matter.

My other large thing I have on my to do list has to do with my accident.

I cannot even begin to express the frustration and difficulty I have faced in finding doctors here who will take me as a patient. (no, they are not aware of my stance on vaccinations...yet) I have to travel 5 hours to the University of Virginia to take off my mouth brace. Not one doctor here will take it on. In regards to my orthopedic needs (my foot and hand) I have had to run around signing releases and TRY to get my medical records transferred so that a doctor can review them and decide if he will continue my care. Wow. It has been challenging to say the least.

Then there is the magnificently organized Army, who has decided that my children and I have vanished from the face of the earth (again) and cut our housing allowance, which makes up almost half of our pay. For some odd reason though, his phantom family still exists in the Family Separation Pay department, the medical and life insurance department, and in the tax exemption department. Not to mention DEERS knows we are here too. In fact, even though I have repeatedly fixed this, we have a fourth child, with Meadow's middle name as the first name. I must have missed the supposed twin born via C-Section on the same day as Meadow.

What does this poofing out of existence mean for my family? It means that this most recent paycheck, the one designated for rent and various bills, was less than even our rent. My rent is pretty low, people. I get this cabin for a steal. You couldn't rent if for a week at the rate I get it for a month. Thank God we had a little padding from me cutting expenses. Even so, I may have to borrow gas money from my parents just to make it to Va to get the brace out of my mouth.

Through all of this, I am doing my best to be calm and collected. It works, at least some of the time. I guess through my most recent posts you can see that I am a bit harried at times. It makes me laugh when I think of me at age 16, thinking life would be so much easier and less complicated when I was out of the house and on my own. I can't wait to broach that subject when my kids are teens. I hope I will have raised them at that point to know that life is full of trials and responsibilities, and that one must be prepared and calm. And responsible.

So, that is what is going on, on top of my house needing massive organization, a budget that needs, I repeat, NEEDS, to exist, and a reasonable schedule to manage these obstacles. I know it will get easier. I know that living in a house for a year (or more!) will help as I will not have to constantly live in fear of the next move. I know that eventually, I will have a household that runs smoothly, that my underwear will have a place in my drawers, that I will be able to find an important piece of paper that I need in less than 3 hours, and that I will be able to focus on the things I want to do.

And that want to do list? That is even longer than the need to do list.

Git 'er done.

2009-09-01T06:59:00.002-05:00

I feel a bit more positive in my outlook this morning. After writing yesterday I realized part of what was truly wrong with me, and I went to go fix it. It truly helped. For me, sometimes I just need to write it out in order to see more clearly, and yesterday provided just that kind of clarity.

*yawn*
I'm kind of sleepy right now. I didn't get to bed until 2 am last night, and then at 5:45 my youngest woke up with a fever again. This has been going on for 3 days now so I am a bit worried. Not to mention she vomited up the Tylenol and water I gave her. The puking didn't surprise me though, as she tends to do that if she hasn't eaten in a while and I give her Ibuprofen or Tylenol. She barely ate anything yesterday, no matter how hard I tried. I made sure she drank enough and hoped it would pass quickly. This morning, her appetite was back a bit, and she ate some. It was only vegetable broth, since I didn't want to overload her tummy, but she scarfed it down so in a little bit we'll try some bread and see what happens.

Hopefully the coffee I just inhaled will kick in and I can get a lot done today. I have friends coming this weekend, and have to make a interstate quick trip too, so I have a lot to accomplish before that all happens to that I can relax later. :)

Sorry, I know this was all quite random, but I'm so so tired and can't think linear today.

:)

Keeping those plates spinning.

2009-08-31T10:19:00.002-05:00

I'm sure we have all heard about the life metaphor of the circus man who spins plates on long poles. He rushes to a pole, spins it, and then rushes to another pole, spinning it just before it is about to crash because it wasn't spinning fast enough. Then he rushes to the next, and so on, and so forth. He generally has quite a few going, and keeps adding them until he has all that he can keep up with at one time.

I actually get stressed every time I think about this metaphor. My heartbeat literally speeds up, when I think about all of my "plates" I try to keep spinning. I feel like so many of them are on the brink of crashing. I have my husband, my kids, my relationship with God, my home, my finances, my friends, my family, and myself to keep spinning. Sometimes I want to crawl back to bed and hide. But then I think about those plates, and how I CAN'T let them crash! They are too important to me!

Alas, sometimes I try too hard to keep one plate spinning, that others fall and break. The fun part about that is, I have to pick up those pieces again, and while trying to keep the others spinning, glue it back together and get it spinning again. Oy vey!

Perhaps, I need to occasionally give a plate a rest. Maybe I need to grab one of the plates that are about to fall, and carefully place it on a table to "rest". Then I could get the others spinning really well, and add it back in, unbroken, to spin nicely along with the other plates.

In theory, this is a good idea, at least I think. But in practice...

I can't seem to choose what plate to let rest. All of my plates are important. The seemingly LEAST important plate, my self, is important too! How the heck can I take care of others if I don't take care of me? I'm not trying to sound selfish here, but I need to take care of me too! If I don't take care of me, how am I going to spin those other plates that mean more to me than my self? Aghhhh!

Stepping off of my metaphorical soap box, I'm overwhelmed. I'm tired, I'm frustrated, I miss my hubby, and I feel inadequate. I know I'm not doing a good job of cultivating a deeper relationship with God. I think that this may be a major part of why I am overwhelmed, but it is so hard for me to STOP and spend time with Him. I have an ongoing to do list a mile and a half long and it nags at the back of my mind when I try to quiet my soul and just absorb what I'm needing to learn, or do.

I feel bad about being kind of negative today. Normally I try to be upbeat and positive, even if I'm not feeling it. My emotional pendulum has a way of swinging a lot when I am overwhelmed. I'll be all upbeat and hopeful one moment, then have a hiccup of hopelessness to jolt me, and then back to being hopeful. Bi-polar I am not, but I am having a rough time remaining consistently cheerful and at peace. On that note, I think I am going to go, grab some coffee, and force myself to be still. Then I'm going to invite Him to show me what I need to do, or not do, to balance this sometimes crazy life of mine.

Saving for Therapy...

2009-08-29T18:14:00.006-05:00

You know how some people set up college funds for their children? There are lots of options out there, I don't know them all, but I know they are out there. I've obviously done my research, eh?

Well, I've decided I need to start a therapy account for my children. The poor darlings are going to need it, because I have a confession to make.

I am not super mom today.

I have yelled at my kids today.

I have imposed unrealistic decrees upon my children today. ("Don't even BREATH in the general direction of your brother/sister for the rest of your life! Do you understand me???!!!")

I have banished them to their rooms for all of eternity, forever doomed to isolation.

I have even ~~yelled~~ uttered four letter words into the same sound space my children have inhabited today. (I'm sure CPS's number is being punched into your phone as I type...)

I have made unrealistic threats. ("So help me God, if I you touch that -enter forbidden item- one more time I will scream!") Wait, maybe that wasn't an unrealistic threat.

*I will now crawl into bed, hide under the blankets, and never come out again.*

I LOVE my children. I love them to death! I want to raise them right, show them love, and help them grow into the wonderful people I know they will be. And I feel am utterly failing.

When you hold your tiny little perfect darling baby, sweat covered after hour upon agonizing hour of labor and experiencing pain you didn't know could exist, you wonder in your elation if you will be a good parent to that amazing little creation. You wonder how they could ever occasionally make you want to run out in front of a Mac truck and play chicken with it just to STOP the endless madness that raising children can inflict upon you. You wonder how you could ever be mad at them, hearing all those funny, but shocking, stories from seasoned mothers. NO WAY could you ever yell at them, or deny them something they want!

Maybe I'm wrong, and maybe I'm alone (although I highly doubt it), but I'm pretty sure every mother, at some point, wants to knock their kid's heads together and say, "Will you stop acting like you are from the Planet of ChaosAndDestruction and get a grip!?!?!

I'm still on crutches. My kids are heartlessly aware of this little fact. I can't run after, I can't catch, and I can't drag the temper-tantrumming little ~~monsters~~ dears kicking and screaming to their rooms. My secret weapon, MY MOUTH, has lost its affect in scaring the begeezus out them and into submission. All that gets is looks that say, "REALLY MOM??!! You must be crazy to think I will actually heed your words!"

I even might have pulled the all-time low today. I might have allowed tears to spring to my eyes, and choke out the words, "Do you kids HATE me?! Are you TRYING to make me go mad with your constant fighting, picking, and disobeying me??? Do you think I am an awful mother??"

To which my oldest daughter, of the ripe old age of almost-seven, might have responded, "You are a good Mommy, Mommy! We love you! I'm sorry we didn't listen!" To which I can only respond with tears, hugs, and a silent, fervent prayer that they will never, ever, EVER remember me yelling at them.

And then I melt, the tears become even more real, and I feel like a heel for ever having yelled at them. And then I decide to start looking into ways to earn money for the next 15 years to provide for the therapy my precious, intelligent, beautiful, wonderfully and fearfully made kids are going to need after today...

Aching to Beautify

2009-08-28T23:04:00.003-05:00

I don't know a single woman out there that doesn't like to make her home pretty with decor reflecting their lives, what they find attractive, or what they value. There is a plethora of styles that people use, from country/cozy themes to minimalistic modern to Victorian, and an almost limitless mix of styles as well.

For the last eight years, pretty much my entire adult and married life, we have lived in no house longer than two years. TWO...YEARS. For fun, I did a little math and when you take the number of houses we have lived in as a family (not counting the in-between stays with my parents), and then take the months we have live in each, it averages out to ten and a half months per house. That is really not a long time. And with moves so frequent, my decorating hasn't been on the level I would like.

You see, I am not really one for a ton of unnecessary things, trinkets, and displays. I'm a cozy, artsy, minimalist, I would have to say. I like cozy rooms, and love sparks of artistic flair, but I lean toward the "less is more" idea. That probably has to do with the fact I have to move everything again in a few months and I hate being bothered with moving stuff.

Now I find myself in a home where I will live for at least a year, and probably longer. It has me itching to decorate and make homey the place we currently call "home". It has me dreaming of dancing through Pottery Barn, Pier One, Hearth and Home, Bed Bath and Beyond, and Target, wildly flinging beautiful things into my cart and merrily swiping a no-limit credit card through machines whilst chanting, "Home, Sweet Home! Home, Sweet Home!"

Oh yeah, I almost forgot. We have a strict budget and are trying to cut back on spending and saving up!

What is a girl to do?

Bargain hunt. That is what she has to do!

I am just ACHING to hang photos and prints on my walls, get pretty new dishes (my other ones ended up on the forever back-ordered list... booo!), theme decorate and organize my kids rooms, and plant deliciously rich gardens (oops, wrong time of year, wrong type of post!).

I'm going to lay out some of my ideas, and if any one of you has any suggestions, throw them my way too!

Freecycle: I want to join up in my area and I don't mind other people's cast offs, especially if I get them for free!

Craigslist: Cheap. Varied. And sometimes free. YAY!

Yard Sales: This one will have to wait for my foot to get better. I so don't want to tackle this one on crutches!

Goodwill/Salvation Army: I KNOW they can have quality items at these places, I personally have donated quite a few new/lightly used items I know were in great shape and worth a pretty penny.

Ebay: "The super store of anything you want, if you can get it at the right price!"

Clearance Items Online: If I want something and I can't find it used and cheap, I'll try new and cheap! (Tip: Always, and I mean ALWAYS Google a store's name you are about to buy from and then "discount codes" and see what you can find. You have no idea how often I have saved a lot by doing this!)

Sewing Machine: I want one. For my Birthday. Or Christmas. And then I want to SEW! Darn it all, I really want to give it a try!

Those are a few ideas of the sources I plan to use to help me make our home "homey". I'm tired of blank walls, thread-bare rooms, and a "just moved in" look to my house. While I'm limited to how much I can do while I am still recovering from the accident, I can still look around and get ideas!

If you have any additional ideas on inexpensive decorating, please let me know! I'd love to hear them! :)

Tasha, Attorney at Law

2009-08-27T19:33:00.003-05:00

Hehe. That is funny. No, I'm not a lawyer, but I may as well have been today. Instead of accomplishing what I had hoped to do today, I did something entirely different.

You see, earlier on today, just as I was getting going on my massive to do list, I got a phone call. A polite phone call, but one that had me really upset. I'm not going to go into details, otherwise it will just start a debate, or worse, cause no one to ever read this blog again. (and I tell myself I don't care when no one reads, ha! Denial isn't a river in Egypt, it lives right here, baby!

So, because of this marginally threatening phone call, and my stance on the issue, I immediately panicked. And then, I researched my butt off. You see, it has to do with an exemption that I use. One that is protected by the Bill of Rights. Ok, no more hints. Sorry.

You see, when I am challenged, especially in regards to my "Constitutional rights" I get very, very, very adamant about making sure I have my facts, documents, and everything else in order. I find it helps me become less intimidated by those bureaucratic types that love to pretend they know everything. When, in fact, most times they don't know everything.

So, for the last 8 or so hours, when I have had a chance, I have sat down and researched. I researched local law. I researched state law. I researched Supreme Court cases. I bounced around forums to gather information and then I went and verified it. I contacted their lawyer and left a message requesting the information they say is pertinent to the situation. I researched to find if the particular department I am dealing with has any pertinent information or rules on their website. After an exhaustive search, I found none, not even something close or related. Nothin'. Zip. Nada.

I'm still waiting for the phone call from the lawyer, but I now feel a bit more prepared with questions, information, and the guts to hold my own.

At the end of this process, I now have 2 Supreme Court rulings to support my argument/case, and 3 State Statutes that affirm what I am arguing. I have found a lot of discrepancies on the other parties side, as well as some misinformation on their website. I also wrote a very polite, firm, well researched, and gracious letter to present them, should they argue with my verbal information.

It has been a long, long day! In the end though, I feel more informed, well armed with information, a gracious but firm attitude, and am even more invigorated to pursue this and WIN!

*shaking head and laughing*
I really should have gone to law school! I think I would have liked it...

Very, very, complicated.

2009-08-27T09:18:00.003-05:00

I like simple.

Simple is good.

Couponing, budgeting, and deal-finding is so NOT simple! I mean, I'm sure it will be once I get the hang of it, but after an hour of looking up things and reading and learning I am going cross-eyed! I get excited at the prospect of saving some major mulah so that we don't have to stay in the military and I can have my hubby home, so I want to keep that, but I'm tellin' ya, it gets a bit messy right now!

I'm craving super organization! I mean, down to my I-Tunes, underwear drawer, and canned goods. I feel that with my life organized, it will be less chaotic. And chaos seems to be the reigning theme here at the moment.

So sorry if this is not the greatest post in the world, but I really need to get my hiney off of this chair (Oh wait, I think it may be permanently attached!) and off the computer and start some organizing!

(And thanks for the feedback on the new look, I think I might just keep if for a while, unless I get an itch to change it in the near future... )

New look!

2009-08-26T20:10:00.001-05:00

Eh, Not sure I'm that impressed with it, but I decided to give it a go and see what I think.

What do you think? =)

Feedback welcome!

Paper, Paper, Paper!

2009-08-26T07:58:00.001-05:00

I don't know about everyone else, but I seem to amass a great deal of paperwork from time to time. Things that need to be filed, signed, sent, organized, etc., etc.

Today will be one of those "Paperwork days". Oh joy, Oh Rapture!

BUT, it brings me a great deal of peace when I am all caught up and on top of things, so I look forward to that feeling once I am done working through it all.

In other news...

Can I just describe to you, for a moment, how QUIET my house is right now? The lovely pitter-patter of tiny feet is absent. Maybe some will look down on my for my feeling of elation over the absence of such noises, but I'm going to bask in it anyways. Guess what? I didn't just get a request for a glass of water! Guess what else? I picked up something, and I KNOW it will remain picked up for another 4 hours, maybe longer! WOW! It may seem ridiculous to get excited over that, but I can't help it. After 7 years of constantly picking up after little ones and getting interrupted a gazillion times a day, I now have a break. YAY, YAY, YAY!!!

Not to mention, of course, that I feel far more receptive, loving, and patient when I get them back again. Oh, how happy I am to see them again, and not a moment sooner! I can take a figurative breath before jumping back into the grind again.

I was home-schooled, and I tried doing it with my children for a bit, and who knows, I may do it again in the future, but right now, I am LOVING this silence!

Big Grins! ;)

Little House on the Praire, er, Mountain

2009-08-20T17:19:00.002-05:00

Sometimes I think I was born in the wrong time. Both my husband and I are in agreement, we sometimes wish we lived in a different era. I truly wouldn't have minded living at the beginning of this last century or even in the 1800's. There is something so simple about those times.

The idea of "homesteading" is becoming more and more appealing to me. Living by my hands, making and growing what I need. I can't shake it. True, I love having a dishwasher, washing machine, etc., but that doesn't mean I couldn't live without them. While I am not forced to go to such measures as doing without those niceties, I am still going to make steps toward making things I would otherwise buy. I want to make my own soap. REALLY badly. I already make my own cleaners, and the satisfaction and joy that comes from saving a few bucks while making something better, MYSELF, just makes me tickled inside. I LOVE it!

I also want to make my own bread. You know, bread isn't as scary as most people make it out to be, and when you sink your teeth into warm, fresh bread straight out of the oven... BLISS. It's like the skies open up and angels start singing Handel's Hallelujah chorus! And then Jesus pats me on the back and says well done. (Not really, but I like to think so!)

Since the kids will all be in school next week, I think I might try out the bread thing then. Maybe I won't, but I want to! We shall see if my finger is up to it. It is still kind of ouchie and stiff, but I'll give it a go!

So, those are my thoughts for now. Now I'm gonna pour a glass of wine, make dinner, and listen to some Big Band Music streaming online. :)

Where we stand now...

2009-08-18T07:15:00.002-05:00

I think I'll try to squeeze "the rest of the story" in this post. Last post, I described my accident. About a week and a half after the accident, my husband was due to leave for Korea for a year. I had hoped that maybe they would let him post pone it, but, alas, they would not. We had hoped to return to TN to have some time as a family before he left, but that didn't happen since I had so many doctors appointments.

We found a car almost exactly like one we totaled. We thought it was a good deal. Around an extra $500 later it is still a good deal, but caused a lot of frustration because the sellers were not honest. Oh, and I think they did drugs, because I found a broken hash pipe in one of the compartments. For shame!

Well, the time had come for Hubby to leave. I sadly kissed him goodbye, mouth wired shut, as he left for Korea. It was incredibly hard. I couldn't allow myself to cry since I wouldn't have been able to breathe if I got stuffy. I managed pretty well.

Shortly after he left, I found out that the kid's school started the next week. AHH!! I didn't want to make life any rockier for them so I decided to tough it out and return to TN so they could start school with the rest of their classmates. My parents helped me get back and finish unpacking and enroll the kids. I am forever grateful for their help! They thought I was insane to go it alone, but what choice did I have? (And by the way, I'm an excellent left foot driver. You'd never notice a difference!) You do what you have to do, that is my new mantra! My parents left that Sunday and I managed to eek out a pretty good week! the kids LOVE school and since here they do staggered enrollment I look forward to next week when they are ALL in school, everyday, all day. Then I can finally not run around like crazy!

Oh! I forgot to follow up on an earlier hint! Shortly after my husband left I realized that my debit card had not been lost. It had been stolen. I never can get why people think it is ok to steal. Apparently they had tried their best to break my PIN so they could empty my account. I got it all covered with the bank, but I'd love to hobble up to them and say, "Thank you so much for trying to rob an injured Army wife while her husband is gone!" Some people!

So that has been the last month in a nutshell. It has been a long hard month and I was incredulous at how many things went wrong. I suppose that is why I wanted to record it here. I just couldn't believe it! But we have survived, and are going strong! Now you all are caught up for the most part! =)

And then, Virginia...

2009-08-17T17:23:00.004-05:00

Sorry it took me a bit to get back to this story! So, where we left off last, we had just moved to Tennessee. Beautiful place, this mountainous land! I spent the next few days unpacking and straightening, as much as one could do in 4 days, my new home. We were due to go visit family before my husband was headed off to Korea, so I had a really limited time to get it all straight. I'm proud and happy to say I did fairly well, considering!

We took off to see family in VA we hadn't seen in over a year, my in laws. I was nervous, since I hadn't seen my mother in law since I found out her true opinion of me, but I was determined to be gracious and strong. After a 8-9 hour drive we finally arrived! It turned out easier than I expected! We celebrated various events, made a trip to Busch Gardens, went to the river and played and had a pretty good time! (Note: during this time I noticed a debit card from one of our banks disappeared, however, I assumed I misplaced it in our car somewhere. Haha. Never assume.)

After a few days we headed to where my side of the family and most of our old friends lived. We enjoyed seeing them, and spent time just relaxing and such. One night I decided to hop on top of our SUV to ride across the field. Ahem. Yes, I am still young and dumb at heart. The kids were safely tucked in bed in the house with the grandparents. Unfortunately, the driver didn't see a ditch. The hay was pretty high, but from my vantage point, holding onto the luggage rack, I saw it. And noticed the car wasn't turning. Or stopping. I remember thinking, Oh this is Gonna HURT! And then CRUNCH! SCRAPE! Blackness.

Yeah, I was thrown. My fault, I know, since I shouldn't have climbed up in the first place, but OUCH did it hurt! At first I thought I was just bruised and scraped, until I tried to move. YOW! You see, across from the ditch is a gravel road. That is where I landed. I remember not wanting to move, then spitting out gravel, and later found out, some teeth. The others moved me so they could get a car to get me to the house, and I told them, "I think I may need to go to the hospital." And then threw up. I think it was probably the concussion. They got me carried inside, and then called an ambulance.

I'll not bore you too badly with the ER visit. People seemed to think it was a bit funny. (I always rely on humor to keep from falling apart, so I had 'em cracking up, or maybe the morphine made me think that... hmmm) I remember turning down more morphine, and then changing my mind. Why deal with pain, huh? When they were stitching my chin up, I woke up to myself snoring and the Doc's quipping I must be comfortable. How embarrassing! I also puked on a nurse when she sat me up too fast after having been in one of those horrible neck braces for HOURS on end! Poor girl, I kept saying "Sorry!" in between heaves! After about 16 hrs in the ER, they had done so many Xrays I forgot to count, Cat Scans, and stitching, my injuries numbered thus:

Cut on jaw (I forgot to count the stitches.)
Broken Jaw
Broken Heel Bone
Huge gaping wound and tendon damaged 90% in index finger
Road Rash on knees, feet, and elbows
Bruised Elbow (I was convinced it was broken, it hurt worse than the foot originally!)
Several fractured, broken, and loose teeth (The count is still going...)

I came home the next day and began (accident was on the 17th of July) my reign as Ms Hoppy (as the Doc's affectionately called me!). Luckily, my damaged hand was the left one and the damaged foot was the right one, so I have gotten good with one crutch! They wired my jaw shut to heal a few days later so luckily that was the only surgery required. The jaw is the worst. I'm tellin' ya, don't offer a person with a wired jaw a milkshake, they may throw it at you. Because they get REALLY old!

I'll do another post in a bit. My finger still isn't healed right so it takes a bit of effort to type. And the Dr.'s would kill me if they knew I had snuck it out of the brace to type a little! The Nazis! (Just kidding!)

And I'm back!!

2009-08-13T20:06:00.001-05:00

Hey Y'all! Sorry I haven't been around much, but I have a good reason. Actually, many good (and not so great) reasons! To catch up, I think I am going to have to tell you all my tale of the Month of July 2009. It's a tale of twists, turns, and broken bones. I may just have to do several entries, as I don't want to throw it all out there at once and consequently bore you to death and injure my typing fingers. Where shall I start? Hmmmm. Oh I know! The beginning!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So. Last you heard from me I was getting ready to move. Now, I rather pride myself on leaving a place as nice (or close to it) as it was when I arrived. So I busted my butt and enjoyed the help of all my friends to finish packing and cleaning. I am forever grateful to them! That last night, my husband was to leave with the truck for TN so we packed it all up and ran out of room. The trailer hauling the other car decided to break, but with the help from some friends they had it functional again. But he got off to a much later start. Did I mention this was in the middle of a thunderstorm? With torrential rain and wind? But I digress.

With the timetable moved up I was getting tired. This was the on Thursday night, the 4th of July weekend, so the rental agency was planning on taking off Friday. I had told them that was fine, I would just leave the keys and paperwork there and the guy, Brent (Now known as BRAT), could just get them at another time. BIG mistake. Since I was so exhausted I didn't end up getting back to the house to finish it until late the following morning. He had already been there. Uh OH. The man, leaving a nasty message, accused me of leaving the place a mess, and trash all over the yard and making off with the keys. Wow. Honestly, I was so offended I couldn't see straight. Yes, there was packed trash sitting on the lawn SINCE I COULDN'T PUT IT ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD WHILE THE TRUCK WAS THERE THAT NIGHT. Can you tell I am still offended? I was planning on moving it, bub. You coulda called my cell and then found out I had sick kids and was exhausted and didn't know you were going to show up early the day you were supposed to be off!!

Sigh. I hope I can get over this soon, it ate me up thinking someone thought I was that low. (sidenote: apparently, they decided I was, since they took my ENTIRE deposit, UGH. Still pissed about that too!)

Anyhoo. On to my story. Please don't think I am whining, I am just tellin' the truth here. The least I can get out of it is a good story!

So I tearfully said goodbye to my friends, and hit the road. My hubby had taken Eben with him, so it was just the girls and me. The day happened to be sweltering, and my AC was broken, so I (shaking head)... I drove in my bra for the secluded highway parts. Don't judge! Nobody saw me but my girls. And you would have too! About an hour or two into the trip, I noticed my tummy was hurting. BAD. And that was when it hit. I HAD to STOP. MUST USE BATHROOM. To save you all from the gory details, I'll just say it wasn't pretty. I started chugging pepto-bismal and stopping every few minutes, dragging my girls behind me into whatever place happened to have a toilet. I stopped at grocery stores, gas stations, little honky tonk antique stores, and almost pulled up to a complete strangers house to beg the use of their toilet! I didn't though, since that wouldn't have been safe with kids. Humiliation be damned though, I didn't give a crap (har har) what anyone thought of me as I would waddle toward the restrooms!

FINALLY, I got to our new place, behind schedule but in one piece! And guys, it was breathtaking with the view and the COOL air! I loved it! I had to put on a jacket! In JULY! The cabin is beyond adorable and I just love it to pieces! =)

Hmmm. And thus ends part one. My fingers are tired and I think I'll tell some more tomorrow if I get a spare moment.

Until then, tata!

wish me luck!

2009-06-30T13:39:00.002-05:00

Today we pick up our truck and then begin finishing anything not packed, loading, and cleaning the house. I haven't been productive the last 2 days as I got sick and coughed all night and generally felt like crap. I'm pretty much over that though, which is a relief!

Now it is onto the next phase of our life, one I'm rather scared of, but I know that everything will be ok. For the adventurous type, I really don't like change ALL that much! We will be leaving all the new friends we have made here, never knowing if we will ever see them again. That always makes me sad. You meet so many interesting and fun people when you are in the military! Hopefully we will all keep in touch and we have photos to remind us of good times past!

Yep. My posting is boring today, sorry! However I just wanted to say hi and let you all know this may be my last post until I have internet up and running at the new place! My posting may be somewhat sporatic as we prepare for my hubby to leave, but I'll be sure to be back after he has left. I'll have way too much time on my hands!!!

Friday Finance: Debt Reduction

2009-06-25T11:11:00.003-05:00

We interrupt this packing day to bring you another (early) edition of Financial Fridays.

I think in an earlier post I explained that we once were completely debt-free and and ok financially. The road there was paved by frugality and hard work. We followed Dave Ramsey's advice after realizing what a mess we were in and then sent in a thank you to him for his guidance. You can read about it here.

Of course, it is rather embarrassing to now be in a place of debt again, but slowly we will get back to that place where we are secure. If you are in debt, or want sound advice on managing money, I highly suggest Dave Ramsey. He is very anti-credit card, but for good reason. He explains it better than I could. :)

I love the fact he will post testimonials, because for some reason, as with Fly Lady, they encourage me that if others can do it then SO CAN I!

Check it out (and Fly Lady's site too for learning MORE ways to achieve peace of mind in areas other than money)!

Sorry this is such a short post, but the clock is ticking for me and I have to get rolling!

Reformed

2009-06-24T08:58:00.002-05:00

I feel kinda bad about my big rant yesterday, but I think venting helped somewhat. Thanks for all of your support guys! It's nice to know I can let it out! :)

I got to talk to my hubby last night and we worked through some of our frustrations. The evening ended on a much better note. Plus, the weather cooled off in the evening because thunderstorms were rolling in nearby, so we all enjoyed the breeze after the sweltering heat of the past few days. I even sat outside for a while, silently listening to the crickets, tree frogs, and wind rustling the leaves with Jewel and Eben (my two oldest). It was peaceful and JUST what I needed. It's fun to see the kids revel in the magic of just being quiet and listening. Does a Mom good!

I feel more refreshed, and look forward to knocking out a lot of packing today, and some cleaning so that we aren't rushing around like nuts the last few days before the move. I'm so ready to be done with all of this and BE there already!

Oh, and really quickly, I just want to say thank you to an unnamed guy in the Army. I've never met him, but I hope to shake his hand before we leave because he has been SUPER helpful with getting our moving allowances paid in good time and all financial matters resolved quickly. Considering this is rare in the military (at least in my experience), this has been a huge stress reducer. I hate waiting on pins and needles for them to "get around" to filing the needed paperwork and getting funds deposited. So thank you, ____. :)

PMS Rant...

2009-06-23T08:39:00.004-05:00

Yes, I'm pretty sure I'm at that horrible time of the month. I'm crabby. Me being crabby is so rare during the rest of the month, that I can track my cycles just by this factor alone. I'm pretty sure my poor family agrees.

There are very few times I will truly complain about my role in life, but this is one of them. Yes, I'm proud to be a SAHM, an Army wife, etc, etc, but today I want to let the world know I am pissed off. About something I have no right to complain about. But I am going to right now, and then maybe delete the post.

You've been warned.

My "job" entails cleaning, financial planning and execution, all errands that I have the authority to do (ie. not where my husband MUST be present), grocery shopping, meal planning, parenting, schooling my kids, packing most of our home up (this means, everything except the things I can't do regarding HIS stuff), all the laundry, bathing, social planning, and UNpacking everything later. OH! And all important phone calls that do not specifically require my husband. (I know, I am really crabby here...and probably blowing it out of proportion... I told you you were warned!)

Somehow I think ones "typical" job does not require this much time or effort. I've been in the workplace before, and you know what? There is a quitting time where you LEAVE work and go home and finally kick your feet up. The reason I am crabby about all of this is when my husband comes home, sees a mess like he did yesterday and not a lot of physical evidence that I HAVE been working, and he happens to come in at the exact moment I take a break and am sipping a cool drink. I look like crap, feel like crap, and lets face it, bedroom time has been put on hold today. Don't act like I am bumming it here, because I DO work 24/7, I DON'T have a quitting time, and I ALWAYS have more to do. Don't get bugged when you know I am doing it all and I made the executive decision to rest. You packing 3 boxes of YOUR stuff doesn't change a thing. I still pack the rest of YOUR stuff. Don't act like you are so much more productive since you came home from work (I've been at work, HERE, all day too you know)and packed your own things. I am packing the WHOLE HOUSE. I don't complain about that, but I DO have a problem with you making me feel like I am not productive. I've simply got more to do than you do, and therefore it takes longer, buddy.

And I so don't want to hear if you are feeling "neglected" in certain areas because I am exhausted at the end of the day. I generally take care of your "needs" well, and I don't like being made to feel guilty I have no energy for that after a day of kids at each others throats and mass packing and dejunking. Try Romancing me. That will help oodles. Or make dinner. Now that is sexy. Flowers help too, or telling me to take an hour for a pedicure or some Starbucks. Or both. But making me feel like a unproductive wife is not going to get you brownie points in that area of our lives.

I'm probably feeling all of this because in the back of my mind I know you are going to be gone in a month for an entire year. And that I am going to miss you like mad, and I'm going to have to do it all myself for the next year, so help me here some or cut me some slack. Because me doing it all reminds me too much of what I have to face soon.

Oh geez. YEP! I know I am PMSing now, because I just got all teary eyed.

(Sigh, I know he doesn't want to leave and that this will suck for him too and that he has to miss ALL of us and not just one person, but still! It doesn't change the fact this is super hard for me too and that it hurts that my pain and difficulties I face when you are gone aren't as "important" since I will not be in another country! UGH!)

So, that is my rant. I'll probably feel bad I did it later, but I needed to get angry for a second and let it blow off.

Buncha bologna!

2009-06-22T09:23:00.003-05:00

First off, this weekend was so long! I didn't get near enough stuff done, but I really enjoyed the company and good times with my friends that I am about to leave. I even stayed up all night on Saturday night talking with our friends about various topics. We didn't do too much for Father's Day. I spoke with my Dad and Father in law on the phone, and the kids made homemade cards and we brought my husband breakfast in bed and let him sleep in, which is a real treat!

I got quite a kick out of something yesterday. I'm becoming a cheapskate. I'm falling in love with good deals and saving money. There really is something liberating about it. So this Sunday I went to the store to buy some groceries for the next few days. I think I only paid full price on the Gatorade mix (oh and the beer for my husband and his friend who were raking leaves in the hot sun all day). In the end, I paid $70 for $90 worth of food. If I had brought coupons, it would have been more savings, but I'm taking baby-steps here. My most exciting moment (and this explains how I am a bit of a dull person) was when I found $4 bologna packs marked 10/$10. Now, we don't eat bologna much at all, maybe once a year, tops. But I couldn't pass that up. $3 off per pack, and I got the two left. They rang up wrong, so the manager had to key in the price (after checking... as if I would lie to her. That annoyed me.) I know all that sounds like a bit of overkill, but I am quite thrilled I am learning how to save money.

Random thought:
Eeks! I think my kids are going to drive me mad today. They haven't stopped butting head all morning. At this rate, I may just throw them outside with some water and let the heat slow them down.
End Random thought.

Anyhoo, I must be off. As an ending thought, check out this lady's blog and read the links there if you are of a political mind and are pissed of with where this country is headed. I rather enjoyed reading it and wanted to pass it on.

Friday Finance: Paying more for more

2009-06-19T08:36:00.003-05:00

I'm thinking about adding a post series on Fridays to tackle my thoughts on money. We'll see if I stick to it, but I thought I'd give it a try. :)

I want to share a recent shopping experience where I had to decide if paying more for something was worth it...

Having moved many times, both regular military moves (with movers doing the work) and DITY (Do-It-Yourself) moves, I have had some rather interesting experiences. Sure, it's nice to have someone else move you, and sometimes that is optimal for me as moving really can be stressful and time consuming. On the other hand, DITY moves provide an added monetary incentive if you do it right (and I'm referring to military moves. The government will pay you up to 95% of the cost of them moving you.). Doing it right involves lots of planning, keeping good records, and shopping around. Here is where my thoughts lead to today.

Yesterday I went moving truck shopping. I had already done some previous quote shopping earlier online, and now I wanted to talk to someone and see what I could do with that. As I said earlier, I have had many interesting experiences moving. Most of the frustrations that I have had to deal with involved U-Haul. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure there are many upstanding and helpful U-Haul franchises and employees...I just have yet to meet one. EVER. So as I was shopping, I decided that my sanity was worth the extra money spent, should I have to decide to use another, more helpful, agency. Turns out, I didn't need to worry. U-Haul was quoting me more than the other agencies I looked at. YAY! No guilt there!

That pared it down to Budget and Penske. After online research, I decided to call each company, let them know I was comparing them, and then let them try to sell me. I asked for a military discount with each, asked about mileage and whether they were gas or diesel, what the car carrier costs were (since I have to tow), and a plethora of other questions. Both companies were helpful. Both offered me estimates close in price.

In the end, even though Budget offered a 20% discount and Penske only 10%, I got a better deal with Penske. Well, kinda. I have to pay $13 more with Penske. HOWEVER, Penske guarantees the truck I want WILL be there, and that it is no more than 3 years old and has had regular,comprehensive care(and therefore, will most likely not break down on me). Also, they didn't try to hook me up with "Traveler's Advantage", etc., those pesky little clubs that promise you can quit and keep your prize, but then give you a hard time quitting and you never even get your prize since it takes forever and a day to receive them. Penske really sold me. I enjoy the peace of mind that consumer reports give them a high satisfaction rating and that their treatment of me was professional and helpful... unlike U-Haul.

In short, I was willing to pay that extra $13 for peace of mind on a stressful move. WELL worth it in my opinion!!! Sometimes cheaper is better, sometimes it is not. And shopping around and listening to all of the details really helps, because otherwise I would have gone with the 20% discount, ended up paying more in fuel (as budget ran on gas and Penske on diesel), possibly dealing with less than reputable dealers, and not having the truck I ordered when I needed it.

So that is my little story and tip. Shop around! Pay for quality if it is really, truly, needed. And sometimes... it really is needed.

(Haha, I still shudder at the memory of pregnant me (an therefore needed to pee REALLY badly!) driving a huge, defunct and falling apart U-Haul through the crappy roads of Brooklyn. I remember bouncing in my seat from the bumps caught only by the seat belt, trying to keep the truck on the road with crappy steering, NYC drivers, and no side-mirror. I'm amazed I survived.)

Friday Fill In!

2009-06-18T21:41:00.002-05:00

Been a minute (haha, ARMY PHRASE!) since I've done this...

1. All children alarm their parents, if only because you are forever expectingdisaster, at least with my kiddos!.

2. Show me a good loser and I will show you a person that gets life is more than winning a stupid game.

3. Momma always says, life is like eating an entire box of chocolate liqueurs at one time. hehe

4. Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy raising kids and running a household. (A friend of mine said today that if the coupon clipping moms were in charge of this country our deficit would disappear... I have to say she had a point!)

5. I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine grilling and beer.

6. It is impossible to think of any good meal, no matter how plain or elegant, without butter or love in it.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to packing, tomorrow my plans include packing and Sunday, I want to pack!! (notice a trend)

Fresh.

2009-06-18T09:57:00.003-05:00

As I pack for this next move, I keep thinking about the changes ahead. There are the rough ones (husband gone for a year, knowing no one, getting settled in a new place) and then there are the good ones. A new outlook on taking care of myself, keeping a decluttered home, getting a handle on life, and making my house a home. I'm looking forward to simplicity, a simple life, a simple home, a simple old fashioned life.

As I read a few FlyLady testimonials this morning, I came across one where this lady had welcomed into her home an elderly lady that had grown up in the house that she now lived. Before, the current resident had complained of the lack of closet space, etc., etc. But listening to the older woman tell of the life they had before in that house (I think during the 20's and 30's) brought a whole new recognition to the simpler ways of life. Now, I still like having a washing machine instead of using a scrubbing board in my kitchen sink, but it made me realize life CAN be simple. I like a busy, sociable life as much as the next person, with things that are nice and convenient, but having a simple, routine life is becoming more and more appealing to me. I want to pare down our clothing so that I don't have to do mounds of laundry. I want to have routines that bring peace and function. I want to get rid of toys that aren't loved, and junk that just takes up space so that life is simpler and cleaner.

So that is just what I am doing. I am getting rid of toys that are only good for covering the floor in a chaotic mess. I'm getting rid of clothes that I and my kids no longer wear. I'm getting rid of "stuff" that I haven't used in a while. Those "things" don't make us happy, and they sure as heck make life more complicated.

For the next year, I'm going to slowly incorporate things into my life to make it simpler, healthier, less expensive, and more old-fashioned. Retro is the new "it" thing (and has been for a bit) and I intend to incorporate it into our lives in more practical ways than just clothing or decoration. Except for the absence of tampons (CAN'T live without those!!), I think life back then was simpler and happier, and I intend to bring it back! Yeah, I'm still gonna have a TV, DVD's, my computer, and cell phone, but life is going to have to SLOW down and leave room for living instead of rushing to the next obstacle.

This is my fresh start. I'm looking forward to it!

Multi-faceted.

2009-06-17T05:37:00.002-05:00

I'm doing a hodge-podge post today.

First off, my panic of yesterday slowed down, since I sat down, made a list of all I have to do and pack, and realized I don't have to panic if I chip away at it all in a fairly organized fashion. I feel better armed with a plan and now can feel the GOOD adrenaline of getting stuff done instead of the BAD adrenaline of OH.MY.WORD.I'M.GONNA.DIE! I still have a lot to do, but at least it is with direction. Plus, I found out my lease requires professional carpet cleaning and while I hate paying it, I am secretly relieved because that is one less thing I have to worry about doing. (And I have 3 kids and a dog. I was worried I'd clean it and it wouldn't be good enough and then I'd STILL have to pay for it!)

The other thing I have been thinking about is how we are going to break the news of my husband leaving for a year to our kids. They really miss him when he is gone! They don't fully understand WHY he must go either. I really hate it when they are missing him and crying and then that makes me miss him and cry, etc., etc.. He is not looking forward to telling them, and keeps putting it off, but I think they need a little preparation this time so that they can understand he is not just leaving suddenly one day. =( So sad...

Finally, I wanted to do something today that my friend Liz has been doing recently, and that is making a gratitude post. I feel a little gratitude is in order considering I have been whining a lot.

Things I am grateful for today...

1. That I have a husband and children who love me.
2. That my independent personality type makes it easier to live so far from family and friends, and that I don't (completely) crumble when I have to do it all on my own.
3. That my messy kitchen is a sign I have food to eat.
4. That our family can make a fresh start in a fresh place.
5. That the laundry I continually do means my family is well-clothed and clean.

=) Wow, that really makes a difference! My life is GREAT!

(Honestly, you guys should try this!)

Panic

2009-06-16T12:01:00.003-05:00

I always get this way right before a move, especially if I'm the one packing and moving everything. I can't decide what to pack first, when to pack this, whether I should move that. I get all organizational and de-junk my house. I can't stand disorganization when I move.

I'm freaking out, since I know I have a ton to pack and can't decide what to do first. Sigh. You'd thing after 10 moves or so I would have been better at this... My husband keeps hinting that I need to start packing. A Lot. I think part of me just doesn't want to move since that means his imminent departure for a year.

Sigh. I know I'm whining, but for some reason I am freaking out.

I hate moving, even if it is cool to go somewhere new....

Commenting

2009-06-15T15:19:00.002-05:00

For those of you whose blogs I follow or subscribe to, I just want to give a big apology for not being a better commenter. I know life is a little busy for me right now, but that isn't a very good excuse for not leaving a thought or comment on your blogs. Please know I read up on your lives/thoughts whenever I get a spare moment, and "comment" in my head all the time. :)

Hopefully life will be slowing down again in the following months and my commenting skills will improve. Until then, know that I DO read your blogs, add you to my prayers when asked, and think of you all as my special friends that don't disappear when I move from time to time.

I know it may seem lame, but I just felt I should say it. =)

Hugs!

Tasha

The weekend and what's next.

2009-06-15T08:22:00.003-05:00

Hey all! This weekend went pretty well. My talk with my friend went smoothly and well, our house was full and fun, and then yesterday, we met up with my husbands's old Battle Buddy in Panama City for a day at the beach. It was nice to see her again before she leaves for Iraq again, and meet her boyfriend. We are all a little sunburnt and exhausted, but it was such a treat to just relax.

While talking to someone this weekend about our upcoming move, I almost went into shock when I realize I only have 15 days before we move. 15 days to pack, clean, and organize it all. I have a feeling I will be dejunking a lot as I pack. I want a fresh new start when we move to a new place.

My husband and I were talking about this move, and our time apart. There are some perks (if you can call them that) to this upcoming time. Both he and I want to work on personal things during our time apart. We want to get rid of vices (such as smoking), he wants to get in better physical shape, and I want to get more organized and become more routine in my life. We want to find a good church to attend. We want to use our correspondence to grow closer, the way you do with someone you get to know better through writing. In short, do things that we have not worked hard on together, but separately we can really strive for. Then after a year, we can be reunited again, with good habits and routines.

Now, this is just me looking for the silver lining, I know, but that is one of the hidden blessings of the military. You learn to appreciate the time you have with each other even more when you have to be apart. You learn to be independent, and yet able to work together. You miss each other like crazy, but don't allow it to cripple you. It's not fun, and I truly wish he could come home every night like "normal" people, but it's doable, and even can be used to better us and our relationship.

Now that I've said that, it's off to clean, pack, and get movin'!

Home!

2009-06-12T11:20:00.003-05:00

Not to bore you with a second post, but...

I'm so giddy! After lots of disappointing searches and let downs while searching for a place to call home for the next year I got a wonderful call! This house I had wanted at the very beginning had been snatched up by others who got there first...or so I thought. Today, the owner called me and said the other people had fallen through and that I could rent the place! WOO HOO! They are even letting me put a hold on it with a deposit until I can move! Most people might not think much of this place, but to me, it is EXACTLY what I like!

I love simple living, I love log homes, and I love mountains! (If I can't have the beach then I want mountains!) So this is PERFECT as it is nestled in a mountain range on a ridge. MMM MMM! I can't wait to drink coffee on my front porch and watch the sunrise/sunset! My day has been made!

And the fun begins!

2009-06-12T08:50:00.002-05:00

Today I have a billion and one things to do. Mostly having to do with making my home less of a playpen, cleaning things that have been given over to dust bunnies, starting packing, and running some errands.

What I want to do? Curl up with some coffee and read a book. While somebody else takes care of my laundry/dusting/cleaning/packing and plays with the kids. OH! And cooks dinner for me. Yeah, that is what I WANT to do. Not happenin' though.

Hmmm. This post is boring and redundant. Lemme switch lanes.

I have to talk to a person I know today. About something she is not going to want to hear. Why? Because if I don't she will be told by others in a much more difficult way, ie. busting their top and yelling at her. And it does need to be said, I'm just not looking forward to telling her, or her possible reaction. I can't quite find the words to make it go smoothly yet firmly. Sheesh. We'll see. I could just not say anything, as we will be moving in a few weeks, but for HER sake and the sake of my other friends, I really need to say something, since she is stomping on the toes of everyone else she knows and will alienate herself or get her feelings really hurt if things don't change a little. And it has to do with the treatment of all the parent's children too, which is pretty non-negotiable for most parents, you know? Oh vey. This should be fun.

Anyhoo. That is the rather boring existence of me today. Hopefully after the weekend is over I'll have more to talk about. Have a great weekend everyone!

The deal on good deals.

2009-06-11T08:47:00.002-05:00

Yesterday, I told of how I plan to get back out of debt and change our spending habits. I'd like to share my thoughts on some of the ways I intend on saving money on everyday items.

Growing up, I knew a family that really went nuts about getting free stuff or incredible deals. I always considered the behavior "cheap". Perhaps it was just that they did this as they passed as fairly high class people, and I found it annoying to see them badger the "little people" the workers at fast food restaurants and stores in their pursuit of a good deal. Cheesy, and rude, I thought.

I still hold to the same thoughts, but because of that, I feel cheap even using coupons. Plus I hate clipping them. I feel guilty making a clerk scan a bunch of coupons when there is a line. I'm realizing I'm going to have to change that mindset, and others, if I want to cut down on expenses.

If I can make good use of following the rules of certain money saving incentive programs given by stores, then I shouldn't feel guilty. I'm just doing what they advertise I may do. I don't plan to bully, cheat the system, or anything like that, but good common sense says I can take these offerings supplied by stores and manufacturers and use them to help our finances.

Once I move, I plan to sign up for The Drugstore Game. I found this on a nifty little blog entitled Get Rich Slowly. I think I've fallen in love with this blog. It actually was in a recent edition of The Wall Street Journal, noting that the interaction and feedback helped make this the successful blog that it is.

Others that I have run across are CFO Reviews, otherwise known as Chief Family Officer, Money Saving Mom, the website MommySavers.com, and sites like Slickdeals. While I don't plan on jumping headlong into money saving immediately, I do want to ease myself into the lifestyle where I don't pay retail for every single item I buy.

Grocery-wise, I'm having to start purchasing groceries that aren't on a whim, but planned. I may make beans and rice for dinner 1-2 times a week, and save money those nights (Hey, 3-4 bucks on a filling meal for a family of 5 is not bad!) and then once a week make the gourmet meals I love so much. My kids actually like the cheaper meals more than steak and bleu cheese, paired with asparagus and potatoes, and a large glass of a nice Cabernet or Merlot. (My mouth is now watering).

For clothing, well, I get hand-me-ups from my sister who is about the same size and a much nicer clothing budget. As for the kids, I have no problem using second hand clothing or thrift store clothing. I have found that at certain times of the year, department stores have insanely good deals on clothes that are out of season. Just buy for the next season and see how much you save. My fondest money saving memory was going into to Sears once, and they had one of those massive sales going on. I figured out that the three huge bags I walked away with that day, costing me only $40, retailed in the neighborhood of $330+ dollars, not counting tax. The brand new clothes were cheaper than Goodwill finds. Literally. The most I payed for anything was $1.75 for a hoodie, outdoor vest, pant combo for my 3 yo.

I particularly like Sears, since they have the KidVantage Program, which gives you coupons for every hundred dollars, but also if your kids are like my boy, and wear out their clothes fast, you can take them back and they will replace them for free.

So those are some of the areas I plan on working on, a bit at a time, complete with links you can play with and check out. =)

The elusive green stuff.

2009-06-10T09:29:00.004-05:00

Commonly known as money.

Yeah, I'm broke. The story is a long one, filled with examples of what not to do.

In December of 2006 our finances were peachy. We had just payed off ALL of our debt, thanks to a car accident settlement and a year of very frugal living. We had $1000 in an emergency fund, three months worth of expenses in a savings account, no car payments, and a clear budget. I cannot even begin to explain the feeling of security this brought after having a large amount of debt weighing us down. It was euphoric.

We moved, bought a house, and decided to settle down. We let our spending increase, as a year of frugality can be stifling. When my husband quit his awful job before he joined the Army, we lived on what we had saved for expenses so that we could have time together before he left for Iraq.

My spending on little things here and there while he was away added up, instead of going into savings as it should have. Retail therapy was my vice of choice. I didn't go haywire, I just spent a little more here and there that I shouldn't have spent. I also started smoking more heavily to deal with stress. That vice isn't cheap either! When he returned home, I wanted to get him a big gift. You know, the usual "welcome back-I'm so happy you are alive-time to have some fun!!", gift. It was a brand new motorcycle. On a payment plan.

We moved to GA, spent more money with the advent of our new, live for the moment, who cares if it costs us later, attitude. We then moved to AL with him so we could be together on the weekends while he was in school, and while it was great to be able to see him, it set us back financially big time. We got to FL eventually, and spent almost all of our tax return on fun stuff, including a down payment on a Harley Davidson Fat Boy. And everyone knows that "HD" stands for "Hundreds of Dollars". Even the old ones aren't cheap! I was worried about the addition of those payments to our already snug budget, but he wanted it so much I could hardly turn him down. Something about the puppy dog eyes... =)

About 2 months later, I had an epiphany. No, actually it was more like a slap in the face. Um, we can't afford all of this. Not really. There is no breathing room, and if money runs out we have to use those Damn credit cards. Except those fill up too! Sigh.

Now as we look at getting out of the security filled military, we have to face the facts. Our lifestyle has to change. Drastically.

The debt load is starting to make me hyperventilate when I look at the balance. Two years ago we were debt free. Now, we have more debt than we originally paid off. I honestly pour a glass of wine each time I sit down to do bills so I don't freak out as I punch numbers into the calculator and watch that total number get bigger and bigger.

I explain this predicament of mine not to elicit any feel good comments, but to tell about the new challenge I have before me, and what I am going to do about it! I truly love challenges. They make me eager to meet and exceed expectations. They excite me!

So, from now on I will be letting you all in on the changes that will be happening in our home. I found some really great blogs that I will share with you all and some tips I have been picking up on here and there. Plus, it'll give me more material for my blog other than how big my laundry monster is getting. =)

Oh change, thou are ever in my path!

2009-06-09T16:19:00.003-05:00

Considering my blogging habits have been less than good and a bit worse than horrible, I thought a little blog entry to relieve stress was in order. Although with the release of this I will have to phone several friends so that they don't learn big news on my blog instead of from me!

Big decisions have been happening at the Hooah House. For one, my hubby is considering leaving the Army. Don't know if this will end up happening for sure, since the future is always a big huge variable, but he is getting tired of having to be away from us all of the time. On that point, I now announce that for the next year, his hiney will be in Korea next to the DMZ instead of safe in AZ or some other state. Of course, this means another year of the Army wife version of singleness. In other words, I do it all. And no Hubby to come home to me and snuggle with me. It makes me so so sad. But I am not dwelling on that right now. I will for sure whine about it when the time comes, however, it doesn't do any good right now.

Now with the knowledge of this, I was planning on moving back to Va. Even told everyone there, "I'm coming back for a year!!!" My mom was thrilled, my good friends got excited, and I was looking forward to seeing everyone often for the next year. Notice this whole paragraph is past tense. And not because I get to go to Korea too.

With looking at getting out of the Army, we realize that when we get out moving all the time won't happen. The area we are from doesn't have as much to offer as we want or feel comfortable with. Our awesome friends live there, but job opportunities in the field he wants to go in are limited to say the least. With that thought, my husband thought maybe we should go somewhere that will support us a bit better, be close enough to family, and be pretty enough we will not hate it and want to move. If I moved us to VA now, and then he got out, we would have to move again and on our dime instead of the Army's if things didn't pan out there.

Enter Tennessee.

Pretty, isn't it?

We will be moving to the lovely Tri City area that bumps hips with VA. The population is good, there are good schools nearby, it's pretty as all get out (MOUNTAINS!!!), and it doesn't take an entire day to drive up and visit family. (No state tax too, hella cool!)

It is scary, very scary to branch out like this. But we both have a good feeling about it all and while it will be a challenge doing this on my own for a year in a new place, I'm independent enough that I relish the challenge. Prayers, thoughts, and contributions of Advil and Merlot are welcome (just kidding about the contributions part!)

I have another post itching in the back of my head, about something I intend on working on in the future. But it will have to wait until tomorrow..

Playing catch up

2009-05-19T08:43:00.002-05:00

Since I have been a bad blogger for the past several weeks (and bad housewife, bad at keeping up with friends, etc.) I thought I'd post about whats been going on in that time.

Hubby has decided to drop the EOD program since they are revamping it and taking away most of the pay incentives he was looking forward to, as well as changing the organization of units to where it is less special and more time away. I support the decision fully, since those were the reasons he wanted to do this work in the first place. I know part of him wishes he didn't have to leave, but currently it will leave no room for advancement and he wants to get a move on in his career.

He is now wrestling with the administration here trying to get a decent MOS (aka, Army Job) since he is up for reenlistment again. Heck, we don't need a bonus, just a decent MOS (although, honestly, a bonus WOULD be helpful!). Since the economy sucks and more people want in and less want out of the Army, the MOS selections are not that numerous, it seems. He thinks he has FINALLY found one that will let him keep his security clearance, and allow him to advance. YAY! This may mean we are moving to Arizona. In the summer. For over 30 weeks. :)

On the drama side (oh joy), we have had to deal with an infatuated-with-my-hubby physco woman. I had to finally put my foot down, since she didn't catch subtleties at all. I was unanimously and vigorously supported by all who knew us, which made me love my new friends all the more. It has been refreshing to not have to deal with her all the time, but she has recently decided that she can't leave well enough alone and yesterday informed my man she was throwing herself a birthday party at our house (from which I have banned her), along with some unsuspecting peers of hers. Might I add this is the same weekend my parents and brother are visiting and the weekend we plan to celebrate our 8th Anniversary. Not that I need those reasons to say no, mind you. All I can say is WOW. That is some nerve and as Christ-like as I try to strive for, this really makes the bad side of me tingle. I dare her to try it. haha. I knew this girl was needy, and a little strange in the head, but she is even making my normally nice-to-women husband shake his head in wonder. We shall see how that goes, maybe she just had a momentary spurt of insanity. I can say I have found showing love and being nice hasn't worked with her. Nuf Said.

On the kid front, the little darlings have kept me hopping, as usual. Jewel (my oldest) will start 1st grade this upcoming school year so I am busting my butt to make sure she is academically ready. Socially, the girl has no problem. She loves reading and is now reading short sentences. Makes a mommy feel good!

The monster that is my laundry got all ugly and threw up in my laundry room again, but armed with baskets, detergent, and dryer sheets, and reruns on Hulu during folding sessions, I have managed to reduce it to a tame pussy cat.

And that, my friends is the short version of my life recently.

ramblings

2009-05-18T13:54:00.002-05:00

My reading addiction has reared it's ugly head. I can't get enough of reading recently. Maybe I'm resorting to it as an escape from reality, laundry, or something like that! My parents are due to fly here in three days and I have a lot to get done by the time they arrive!

I currently sit here, wondering what to make for lunch, dinner, and what to attack in my house first. Plus, hubby is having a rough day so I need to somehow get the house pretty, myself all made up, and something yummy for dinner in, oh, about 2 hours!

Yikes!

(and my tummy hurts for some reason)

I will give myself a little boost regarding the fact I actually sat down and constructed the skeletal beginnings of a budget this morning, in the hopes of figuring out how in the hello we can control this thing called spending and saving in a way that leaves us with money left over at the end of the month.

I continue to be amazed how you can make more money and quickly find ways to spend that which you previously didn't have. Odd, that one. Especially since we really don't have that much more stuff or niceties. (I'm starting to think it has something to do with kids and there growing needs... so worth it, but still. It could be the economy though...)

Anyhoo. Those are my ramblings. And my effort to get back online. Aren't you proud of me?? :)

Bad Blogger! part 2

2009-05-14T15:57:00.003-05:00

Hi all! (Sheepish look)

I know I haven't been around much lately. I have been a bit secluded recently, not getting online and trying to put my life back together are my excuses. Which aren't really good ones considering it doesn't take that long to get online.

However, I have been following you all online, just with my blackberry in little moments to myself away from everything (hellacool it works like that). Leaving comments with it is hard and time consuming though, so just know I have been keeping up pretty much with all of you, just not taking the time to leave comments. :( Bad Tasha, I know.

I'm hoping to balance it all again and blog more in the future. Just thought I'd let you all know that I am alive and not carried off by the boogey man or the IRS man, whichever is scarier (I'm betting the latter!).

Ugh. Balance. I'm finding it is a lot harder to achieve than I had hoped. I'm not giving up though, I'll find it someday or sooner I hope!

I'm weird.

2009-04-07T13:08:00.002-05:00

I know.

But I always laugh hysterically at this video clip. Probably because when I watched it the first time it was with my Brother in Law and for some odd reason the both of us laughed until we (meaning I) had tears in my eyes... ah, good times!

"YOUR WELCOME!!"

=)hehe

Bad Blogger!

2009-04-07T06:22:00.002-05:00

Sheesh! I haven't blogged in a bit now! Cole gave me an award and I have YET to post about it! Thanks to my blackberry I can read blogs, so I have been keeping up, but also not commenting as much since I still suck at typing on it!

Life has been a bit easier recently, although I tend to stay on pins and needles still. My spring cleaning is moving along at the speed of uber slow! However, I'm still chugging along and hoping to have it done soon! After all, I can now see my laundry room floor so whenever the mess around me starts to get overwhelming I can always go lock myself in there for a peaceful moment and stare at my beautifully organized laundry room!

Oh! Not to be random or anything, but true story! I went to a flea market on Saturday. I've decided that flea markets should only admit adults. My kids went NUTS. Especially at this one spot where they were selling two live turtles in an aquarium. I have two hands and three kids and unfortunately the math doesn't play out right when you are attempting to drag the kids away from a prospective pet/torture-subject! Not to mention all the breakables on flimsy card tables. Those attracted little Miss Meadow's fingers like magnets! I was so happy to buckle my kids in the car and stand outside it for about 5 minutes so could get my blood pressure back down! Whew!

So that is my little update.. I hope to do something more interesting later on.

Darn Army

2009-03-31T08:13:00.002-05:00

I face today with some excitement as well as apprehension. Today Hubby takes the test with the highest fail out rate. This test is in the woods, with it most likely raining and lighting striking, and with the possibility of getting an instructor who pretty much fails everyone he tests. So I'll be hoping and praying it doesn't rain and lighting during his test, that he doesn't get the all-failing instructor, and that he passes with flying colors!

The stress is always so much fun! Poor kids too.. I think it is really hard for them these days. Daddy is gone all the time, from before they wake up until after they are in bed. Both he and I are quite stressed, so our tolerance tends to be pretty low for how the kids act out. And they are acting out. It is killing me, because on the one hand I can't stand the awful behavior and the whining and the fighting and the yelling and the messes, but on the other hand, I really understand why they are having a hard time.

I can't wait for this school to end! It has been hell on our family! He just got back from deployment last year and then we got to live together as a family for 3 1/2 months before this darn school! Then for 3 months he was only home on the weekend! Now we live in the same home, but don't have much time together as a family. Not with all the constant dropping in of unwelcome guests on the weekend days and the sleep deprivation. We have 5 more months to survive this.

Today I feel excited though, because I have been productive so far and hope to get a lot done, and figure out how to get the kids to feel better about our situation. They aren't very happy little ones right now... =(

Oh life is never dull!

2009-03-30T11:31:00.002-05:00

I've wasted so much time today! I really really should catch up my blogreading.laundry.school.kitchen.decorating.friends.errands.bills.paperwork.springcleaning.scheduling. etc.etc.etc.

yeah.

This weekend was interesting! VERY interesting.

I love it when life proves me right! When I can say... I told you so! Not that I actually say it, but I love it when my gut feelings are right. AGAIN. More on that in my other blog, but let's just say that as hard as this weekend was, it was so good too! Things were brought out, things were learned, and I learned a very valuable lesson.

I don't have to make people who are making my life hell more comfortable. I can love them and such, but I don't ACTUALLY have to cater to them! Imagine that! I know, I know, quite a concept, right?!

Wow. That kind of frees me up to take care of me and my loved ones a lot better!

That's all I can say right now, since I really do need to do things today that I continually procrastinate doing, but I'll post more and hopefully comment more as soon as I have more free moments and energy!

Mosiac...

2009-03-27T11:51:00.002-05:00

How fun! Liz has tagged me to do this little thing called Mosaic so I thought I'd ~~procrastinate cleaning my house for the weekend and~~ do it now!

Here’s how to do it:
a. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search (http://www.flickr.com/).
b. Using only the first page, pick an image.
c. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into fd’s Mosaic Maker (http://bighugelabs.com/flickr/mosaic.php).
d. Save the image and blog it!

Here goes!

Questions:

1. What is your first name? Natasha
2. What is your favorite food? Italian Dishes
3. What is your favorite color? Red
4. Favorite drink? Red Wine
5. Dream vacation? Hammock on the Beach
6. Favorite Hobby? Reading
7. What you want to be when you grow up? Content?
8. What do you love most in life? Love
9. One word to describe you? Optimistic

(Er, and this is where you can find those original photos... to give the photographers credit...1. Natasha Poly, 2. World's Best Italian Sausage Lasagna + Recipe, 3. Red Rose, 4. Red Wine, 5. Where I'd Rather Be...., 6. I Love To Read.....3, 7. The Edge, 8. "love comes from the most unexpected places...", 9. Optimistic Graffiti)

Yummy Giveaway!!!

2009-03-26T08:35:00.003-05:00

Mmmmm. You girls HAVE to go check out this giveaway my friend Liz is having! Look!!!

Doesn't that look heavenly? Go go go!!! And since her blog is private and you want to be added (which you do, trust me!) go to this post and leave a comment so that she can add you!!

UPDATE: oops. Her blog isn't private... just go to the first link...

Headline: 3 yo Causes Mother and Siblings to be Committed.

2009-03-25T18:02:00.005-05:00

I need to find an asylum, QUICK! Just kidding.... kinda!

Seriously, my youngest child, Meadow, is driving me up the wall. Her goal in life these days seems to be driving me and my two other children CRAZY!!!!!

Some insights into her twisted, cute(ish), little mind:

Toys? What are those? Who needs toys when water is available from every faucet? Plus, the only joy I get from those are to go into my sibling's room and dump theirs all out so they get upset!

Toilet paper is for Bottoms? You're kidding! I thought it was for entertainment! You should see how upset everyone gets when I unroll an entire roll into the toilet... especially if I have poo-pooed in it first!

Sugar... Mmmm. I know where Mommy keeps it and I am so smart, I can figure out how to get to it no matter how well she hides it!

Shredded Cheese! I LOVE that stuff! Especially when I get a rise out of Mommy when she finds the pretty carpet decoration out of it! (Don't even threaten me with Frig locks... I figured those pathetic little suckers out IONS ago!)

Crayons are fun! But not on paper... unless it is a book. I generally prefer walls, and peeling the paper off and breaking them to watch Jewel cry. I may be the smallest, but I definitely win!

I LOVE DVDs! Mommy tries to keep them all nice and organized in a protective case. HAH! I like to sneak them out!

Mommy has threatened to put the lock on the outside of my door, since my regular midnight escapades with toothpaste, shampoo, and eggs (I positively ADORE eggs!) are causing pretty purple circles under her eyes!

They think they can outsmart me, but I know who is boss here! I even like to throw out a Yes sir to Mommy and Yes Ma'am to Daddy when they correct me... JUST to let them know I still have my stubbornness!

Oh Life is good!

Seriously.
I honestly wonder if this is what she is thinking!! If you see that headline above, you'll know who it is! Because I am just about at my END with that child! I love her, so much, but she is testing my stubbornness in a way it has never been tested before! My mother never said the "mother's curse" to me... but I think it happened anyhow. In fact, I might just call my Mom and tell her how sorry I am for driving her crazy as a kid! Maybe send roses too!

Overhaul

2009-03-25T06:17:00.002-05:00

It's that time of the year again! Spring has sprung and much like when you are about to have a baby, my nesting has kicked in. I want my house clean, clean, CLEAN! And it seriously needs it! Because I spent a few weeks pouting about my life, I really let things go and now that the weather is so much prettier, I am ready to jump back into things! I pulled out a notepad and started listing all the TO DO things I needed to work on, and am determined to start spring cleaning ASAP!

I'm also revamping my schooling with the kids. I realize I have been pretty lax this year, covering only the basics and barely at that, so I went and purchased a whole lot of supplies and a dry erase board. The board is quite large and I took the time yesterday to make a schedule for our day so that I will have no excuse to put off or shorten school time. I have enjoyed teaching the kids this year, but I think next year I may send them to school. The little darlings wear me out! Not only that, but I realized my college credits will be a decade old next year... YIKES (I feel old!)! I don't want to waste those 2 years I spent. So I am considering taking classes next semester or the following spring when the kids are in school.

For the time being though, I will work my butt off over this spring (and summer) to finish up this reading curriculum and work through the other subjects as well! (If I go through the reading program right both my 6 yo and 5 yo will already have a 1st grade reading level, woo hoo!)

Anyone else spring cleaning? =)

A First!

2009-03-18T04:50:00.003-05:00

I just got an award! The charming Amy over at The Undomestic Army Wife nominated me for the Sisterhood Award. Isn't it adorable??!!

The rules are that I must nominate 5-10 blogs that show attitude and gratitude. This is going to be fun!

I nominate...

Liz at Little Liz
She is my real life friend as well and I love how honest she is and how fun! I am so, so, so blessed to have her in my life!

Melissa at The New Girl on Post
Her blog is quite fun to read and I love hearing about all of her experiences with the military and where they are stationed right now... ITALY! (so jealous, haha!)

Lindsey at Learning to be a Wife
This sweetheart I just adore. You can tell how sweet her heart is! ♥

Brandi at Excess Baggage
Brandi is so freaking adorable and fun! She never fails to catch my attention with her entries!

Robyn at An Alaskan Family
I love hearing about Robyn's life in Alaska. A truly genuine person, she throws herself out there with boldness and ALWAYS comments very personally on my posts! =)

Jamie at Here we go!
I admire Jamie's strength and tenacity as she goes through life. Her faith is so admirable to me!

Megan at Wandering DC
Another real life friend of mine, Megan is so pretty and talented!! I love reading her blog and catching up on the things that are going on in her life!

And last, but not least... Leah at No Mom Jeans!
Leah is a friend of mine from a previous station and through the years we have kept up with each other through the internet and meeting whenever we can. She is gorgeous, fun, spirited, and is a devoted Mommy and Wife! I love cheering her on as she reaches her goals!
(Psst, we should get together soon!)

There you are ladies! :)

Huge sigh of relief!

2009-03-13T11:59:00.002-05:00

He passed his test today! YAY! I tell you, this school is so freakin hard! They don't give much wiggle room!

Friday Fill In!

2009-03-13T06:45:00.002-05:00

1. When I look to the left, I see My kitchen.

2. The kitchen is the room that has the best view in my home. (My backyard is the view...)

3. Let it work itself out.

4. Dirty deeds done dirt cheap! (my husband is an 80's music fan... this is the first thing that came to mind!)

5. Keeping the government in check is a responsibility that all qualified citizens must share.

6. If you have any chewy warm brownies feel free to stop by and we can eat the whole pan.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to celebrating hubby passing his retest (keep your fingers crossed!), tomorrow my plans include, well, nothing yet, and Sunday, I want to prep for the next week!

New Blog!

2009-03-12T06:09:00.003-05:00

Hello everyone. It has been an interesting few days. I've had a lot of lows, and oddly enough, a lot of highs.

Something that never fails to amaze me is when the going gets tough, and I mean REALLY tough, it triggers in me a need to get closer to God. Not to use Him as a crutch, but it reminds me that I am not as strong as people think I can be, or as I think I am. Not to make excuses for myself or hide behind religion, but to truly look inward and upward, beyond myself and my needs, and to see the bigger picture here.

So I have created a new blog, an even more personal one. This blog is to be a way of sharing the life lessons that God is teaching me, in more personal terms than I would share on my public blog. I'm sure not everyone who reads The Hooah Wife has a relationship with God, and that is fine. I'm not here to brow beat or bible thump anyone. I believe that is not a good way to show God's love at all, and I refuse to do so.

Since I will be sharing more personal details of my life, I will be making this a private blog, simply because I must for reasons that are my own. But all you have to do is leave a comment with your email so I can add you and welcome you to see what is going on deep inside me and in my relationship with God. Whether you are Christian, Buddhist, Muslim, Atheist, Agnostic, any other religion, or purely curious, I really don't care. I'm just laying it all out.

So come have some coffee, tea, or a glass of wine with me and I'll tell you a little more about me and my journey as I learn to have Hinds Feet On High Places...

My day today.

2009-03-10T14:25:00.002-05:00

I know I'm posting a lot. Forgive me. =)

Want to know what I have accomplished in my day today? I lolled in bed until about 9:30 (I'm normally up at 4). I got up, gave the kids a breakfast snack of pickles and bananas. (ew, but they like it) Managed to throw a hat on my frizzy head and pull on some decent loungin clothes, and sunglasses, to make sure I could fool others into thinking of me as a non-slob. Piled the kids into the car, drove to burger king, got Brunch, drove some more so that I was not having to deal with anything. Talked to husband, which is not how you not deal with anything. Got home. Blogged, read, shopped online, and got TWO packages, from the same UPS guy, at TWO different times. Read some more. Prayed all in between these times. Felt crappy. Smoked my yucky cigarettes. Again. And did NOTHING productive. At all. I think the last sentence needs to change. I can't let my feelings get in the way of my life. I mean, seriously! Ugh. Well, I have about 3 and a half hours before hubby comes home. I'm seriously considering cleaning the heck out of my house, making dinner early, looking all gorgeous, and getting a bottle of wine that I will try to pull a Chris Angel and make disappear tonight. Yes, I just said that. No, you shouldn't judge me. And NO, I am not going to say why. Other than I am having a really shitty day that seems to be extending into a really shitty week.

Oh, and try to hear God's voice. I seem to have spiritual ear muffs on today. Probably because I am so damn selfish today. Heck, you can tell by how much I am swearing that I am in a bad mood.

I'm amazed people like me at times like this. There must be a God!

Comfort Food, part 2, Italian Dipping Bread

2009-03-10T13:06:00.003-05:00

Ok, so I shared my Italian Wedding Soup in the last post, now I am going to share my Italian Dipping Bread. I call it dipping bread since that is what everyone ends up doing with it. Either in Olive oil or olive oil/balsamic vinegar, or in the soup or pasta sauces. It is yummy, and actually not all that hard to make. It just takes a little time and love. (I should clarify, this is the first bread, and to date ONLY bread, I have made homemade)

Without further ado...

Italian Dipping Bread

1 T yeast
2 T sugar
1 c Warm water
2 1/2-3 cups Flour (I prefer Bread flour, but all purpose works well too)
1 t salt
2 T fresh chopped rosemary (Or Italian seasoning works too)
2 T butter

Olive oil
1 egg (for glaze)

Combine yeast, sugar and warm water in large bowl. While waiting for it to bubble, mix together flour, salt and 1/2 of the butter in separate bowl. When the yeast mixture is bubbly, mix in the four mixture and 1 T of Rosemary (or Italian seasoning). Now is the fun part. Punch, pull, fold and work the crap outta that dough (otherwise called kneading) for about 10 minutes or until it is elastic and smooth. This is HUGE stress relief people! (or you can go throw it into a bread machine and let it work it for 5 minutes). Feel free to add more flour as needed as it can stick to your hands.

Oil a bowl, put the dough in, and cover. Let it rise in warm place for an hour until doubled. Punch it down, and divide in half. Let it rise 5 more minutes and then put both halves on oiled baking sheet, shaping the balls into an oval or circle. Sprinkle on remaining rosemary or seasoning and press in lightly. Let rise until doubled again, about 45 minutes. Separate egg and whip egg whites. Brush top of dough with egg whites. Put into preheated oven (375 degrees), and bake 15-20 minutes until light brown, brushing with egg whites once more halfway through. Remove from Oven, brush with remaining tablespoon of butter and sprinkle with salt of desired. Enjoy!

Comfort Food, part 1, Italian Wedding Soup

2009-03-10T12:38:00.006-05:00

Ok, just so I don't wallow around too much on my blog I wanted to share with you my all time raved about recipe I make on occasion. It has become the food all my hubby's friends rave over and ask for the recipe for and request for their birthday dinners if I am making them. These are recipes I have adapted from other peoples recipes, so no offense to copyright laws... I'm just passing them along with my adaptions. (ok, legally covered I think)

Italian Wedding Soup

serves 6-8

1 1/2-2 LBs italian sausage (mild or hot depending on preferrence, peel casing off if using that type)
2 sm-med onions, diced
6 -8 cloves of garlic, pressed or chopped (I love garlic, so if you don't just reduce it)
2-3 14 1/2 oz cans of Chicken Broth
4-5 Zuchinni, scrubbed and chopped (I make them in about 1 inch chunks)
4 cups of Kale (rinsed, de-spined and ripped into smallish pieces)
Dash (or two or three) of Crushed Red Pepper
1- 1 1/2 tsp Marjoram
1- 1 1/2 tsp Oregano
1 tsp salt
Grated Romano or Mozzerella cheese

In large saucepan brown sausage over Med-high heat. Stir in onion and garlic, and cook stirring occasionally until soft. Add kale and cook for about 3-5 minutes, stiring occasionally, until it is kinda darker green and looks softer. Stir in remaining ingredients, bring to boil, and simmer about 10-20 minutes, until the zuchinni is cooked through and the soup tastes savory. The soup will be thickish. Fill bowls and top with grated Romano or Mozzerella. Enjoy!

My next post will be for the bread I make with this soup and other Italian dishes. A copy cat recipe for Macaroni Grill's bread, with mild changes made by me.

Here we go again!

2009-03-09T14:50:00.002-05:00

Wow, my life is such a yo yo at times. I have had a period of semi rest the past few months, with only hiccups and bumps in the road. I like peace. A lot. And it shattered this weekend. I should say it just culminated to the peak of my coping ability this weekend.

I've been working hard on me and my attitude for over a year now. REALLY hard. Sure, I've had setbacks, and had times where I just gave up and pitched a fit. Yesterday was difficult, in that I realized I haven't come as far as I thought I had. I still get angry about things that hurt me in the past. I still get depressed about it all. And I still let things that hurt me now, even small things, blow up when I magnify them by past hurts.

Ah, where is God now? I want to say. See, I have faith. No, I'm not a fan of religion, as it were. I think it is used far too often as excuses or ways to get away with things, or condemn others. BUT, I do believe in God, Jesus, and the message of His Love. That is the one thing that keeps me going. The only thing really. It isn't a crutch, it is a lifeline. I know that no matter who lets me down here... and really everyone lets you down at some point... I know that GOD hasn't ever. Sometimes I don't feel Him as close, but them I am reminded that perhaps I'm the one not drawing close or trusting. When I realize that, it then takes the motivation to GET there.

My motivation right now, for anything and everything, on a scale of one to ten, is at negative three hundred and forty-one. Or something like that. I'm tired. I'm grumpy. I'm sad. I'm BLAH. I keep trying to distract myself with various happy thoughts, but they just don't cut it right now. I'm a bit stuck here and don't know how to dig myself out of this hole, or if I even want to because of all the effort involved. I still haven't joined the Y, but that is going to have to be a priority tomorrow because I know the best thing for depression is exercise and taking care of yourself. And I love the runners high. I can run off all the pain, anger, and any other negative emotion, and then drop into bed for blissful and quick sleep. I need to do this. If I haven't announced I have joined the Y tomorrow, and gone for a good run, feel free to cyber kick my ass, ok? Then I somehow need to make some non-military friends I can hang out with and get OUT of this freakin cage of a house and enjoy living near a gorgeous beach. (Oh and I say non-military because military wives or chics end up complicating my relationship with hubby with either gossip or him not liking them, or, with army chics, they'll get along better with him and I just don't need any competition with his time than I already do have. I already have quite a bit there.)

So I'm being honest here... I feel myself getting depressed over the crap I have to deal with. I'm also recognizing it and starting on a path to get me out. Throw me a bone and pat me on the back. I need it. :)

I look forward to sharing how awesome I feel after my run and how I won't be able to walk for a decade.

Oh, and I know I am rambling, but I do that when I get down.

The Hooah Wife

Can't help myself...

Wow. 4 Months!

So....

A baby story... Jewel

Hello, my name is Tasha, and I am a people person...

It all makes sense now!

A peek inside my brain.

Absent? Who me??

Procrastinating, again.

Computerful. And a Blog AWARD!

Wow. You mean I can post from my phone???

Retro Monday

The most hilarious blog post... EVER.

My opinion is just that....

I did it. (I didn't lose it!)

We interrupt this program...

Mean Mommy.

Purpose.

Lucky.

Perspective renewed.

The hills are alive with the sound of music.

Personal Philosophy, Part Two

Personal Philosophy, Part One

Industrious.

Moody Mornings. A tale of moods in the morning.

In which we learn about the birds and the bees...

*Gulp*

Getting there... ever so slowly!

For your listening pleasure.

Got my dander up...

Taking a peaceful moment.

Impact

Sometimes you just need to cry.

haha, yeah right.

Tricksy.

A bag of emotions.

Europe

He who has ears....

Dear Tucker

A biggie...

Why.

Weakness

2010

Bullets... and being real

What really matters.

Getting back on track

Random Hi...and outletting a few thoughts.

So. Cute.

Hearth and home

Finally taking a breath again

Autumn thoughts...

A little explaination. :)

Git 'er done.

Keeping those plates spinning.

Saving for Therapy...

Aching to Beautify

Tasha, Attorney at Law

Very, very, complicated.

New look!

Paper, Paper, Paper!

Little House on the Praire, er, Mountain

Where we stand now...

And then, Virginia...

And I'm back!!

wish me luck!

Friday Finance: Debt Reduction

Reformed

PMS Rant...

Buncha bologna!

Friday Finance: Paying more for more

Friday Fill In!

Fresh.

Multi-faceted.

Panic

Commenting

The weekend and what's next.

Home!

And the fun begins!

The deal on good deals.

Gulp